I'm losing it

Going to try to make a long story short.

A little over a year ago I split with my husband of 9 years because of his constant cheating.

Well a few months after that I fell in love with a guy I've known my whole life. Everything was great for a while

We moved in together he was great with my 3 boys and my kids loved his son.

But about 4 months into it he quit his job and didn't even try to find a new one instead he literally just drank half a handle of tequila everyday from July to January

Everything was my fault he was so angry and mean. Didn't help around the house with the kids nothing. I worked and took care of all the kids . In October I found out I was pregnant.

Nothing changed

So about a month ago I got tired of it kicked him out.

Since then my husband and I have decided to try to work things out. He has been great and the boys are so happy.

But I can't seem to get my heart into it. For some reason I still miss this baby's dad.

Ugh why do we want what's bad for us even thought we know it won't go anywhere?