I don't know what to do anymore

I have horrific social anxiety and recently I have been feeling down about myself.  My anxiety is so bad I didn't sleep at all last night. My boyfriend wanted to go to his friends birthday party and I built up the courage to go and we pulled up and I had a full on panic attack. The good thing is it's only 5 minutes away from his dad's house where we are staying this weekend. He turned around and brought me back and realized he locked us out and called his sister and told her what happened which was humiliating and even talked to me like o was a child in front of her. She was only down the street so she got me in and then left with him.ao I'm sitting here alone crying. He had a horrible attitude with me about it and does not understand. I really tried, I dressed myself up and did my makeup but there was so many people there that I didn't know and I felt like I couldn't breathe. He told me he's so sick of me. Im starting to think that I'm just better off alone. I really want to just shut down, I am really not okay and I don't know what to do to help myself. He doesn't really give me time to think or say anything. Maybe if he had just sat in the car with me for a minute I could have gone in I just needed to get a grip. Maybe it's because I'm sleep deprived I don't know. Honestly it makes me just want to give up. I feel like I just keep doing damage to our relationship and I don't mean to I just can't help myself and he doesn't understand at all. And you would think he would because he suffers with bad depression but no. I know im pathetic I don't need to be told so.