Separation is reality now...
I just need to rant. This weekend my husband and I had a talk. We've contemplated separation a few times in the last year. He stayed with his parents for two weeks a year ago when I was fed up with him but he found it more comfortable to be in our home and weasels his way back saying he would quit drinking and show me more affection and respect. Our 2nd child just turned 1 during that time. Since then, he hasn't changed his ways about drinking, or showing me more love/affection. We went to marriage counseling. He said it was a waste of money so we stopped going after 4 sessions. He can't control his drinking. He becomes a jerk when he is drunk. He disrespects me, and I put up with this for almost 3 years. I love him when he's not drunk. This weekend coming up would be our 4 year Anniversary but obviously we won't be spending it together/celebrating it. It's been very hard for me to walk away because we have children together. He is a great father. He does a lot around the house. we have a beautiful home in a wonderful community. It makes me sad to be separated from this life/family we built together. When we sat down to talk about the kids schedule and the plan to move forward being separated for a few months or however long it takes to decide... He told me he thinks the drinking has been on purpose to sabotage our marriage because he's been frustrated that I don't clean up the house enough or don't fit the stay at home wife he envisioned when we were engaged- I decided to be a working mother. My heart just sank. I was quiet with watery eyes the rest of the night. I need to mentally prepare myself of being a single mother. I need to build up my confidence and pull myself together, and realize I'm worth feeling loved and respected. I'm feeling so sorry for myself right now.
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