Need Advice..

Ever since I was around 5 or 6 my mother has been abusive towards me. Whether it be physical abuse or verbal abuse, it hurts all the same. I'm now 17 and will be 18 in around 6 months. She shows favoritism towards my younger sister for a very specific reason which is also the same reason she is purposely neglectful towards me. About 5 months ago I was raped and then a month after that I was raped again. I never told my family because of how they would react. But ever since then I haven't been able to let anyone get close to me. I push them away and won't let them in. It's become sort of a reflex, and I can't help it. I've been struggling with depression for a while now. I really just an outlet to let my frustration and feelings out. I don't know what to do. (Please no comments about how I need to "report" my mother, and also no negative comments please.)