I feel like a horrible friend

I've had 3 miscarriages ..1 recent (year ago) and I'm desperately ready to have a child. I'm 34 and single so sometimes I feel like my time is running out to have children. I cry constantly about it. Even to the point I have physically hurt myself because I desperately wanted to stop the pain on the inside. Sometimes I don't want to live because life seems pointless. I always wanted to be a mother and a wife, but now hope is running out. I'm desperate enough to just ask a friend to try to knock me up til I finally have a child but it weirds me out. All of my friends have gotten married, engaged, or have newborn children. I feel awful because I can't face them without secretly crying. Even though I'm genuinely happy for them, I can't help but feel something is wrong with me as a woman. It makes me want to not go around them to avoid the pain. For my God daughter's 13th birthday, her mom wanted to show me all of her baby pictures and my heart couldn't stand it. I just kept thinking of how old my baby would be and how I'll never get to experience this proud moment with my child. I asked her to put the pictures away and explained I'm not emotionally ready and she was a bit offended but she put them away. We just sat in silence until it became so intensely awkward, I left. I really don't think she knew what to say and neither did I. I felt bad when I left because I wanted to be able to enjoy the moment and not be a sourpuss. Yesterday, My best friend just found out she was pregnant and I was so excited for her, but I didn't want to hear baby stories. Each story she told about her excitement for the arrival of baby tore me up inside. It just reminded me of how I felt and the joy that was taken from me. I ended up leaving because the pain became unbearable and I broke down crying. I can't describe how depressing this feels constantly but I just wish the pain would end. I have friends that are having the best moments and I can't even enjoy them because I'm so damn depressed. Ugh.