Need Advice

Edit: some people are determined to misunderstand so let me clarify. I let the man lead . I let him be the initiator, if he wanted to see me he would ask to see me and we would hang out. About the text I sent him, I was teasing him because his effort to keep the conversation going decreased significantly after I told him I wouldn’t be staying over at his house anymore but I wasn’t opposed to just hanging out until I was comfortable doing that again. In my opinion, this shouldn’t be an issue because I set this same boundary when we first started talking and it wasn’t a problem. I want to be sure his intentions with me.I’ve been dealing with a confusing situation, and I’d love to hear other people’s opinions. Here’s the backstory:I met this guy on November 30th, 2024, and everything started off great. He was super consistent—texting me, picking me up 3–4 times a week, and planning everything. I never initiated anything; I let him take the lead. Before we were intimate, I set boundaries about taking things slow. I even spent the night with him several times, and we didn’t have sex during those nights. He respected my boundaries and stayed consistent, which made me feel like he was genuinely interested in me as a person.On December 21st, we became intimate, and he was affectionate and emotionally engaging, which made me feel like he was truly invested. His effort didn’t change after that, and he was supposed to come get me on Christmas Eve to spend the night.But on that days , I saw a social media post he made about his ex, and it completely turned me off. It made me question his intentions and whether he still had feelings for her. That same day, I ended things because I felt disrespected and unsure if I could trust him.Our Marital Histories: • His Ex: He was in a relationship with his ex for 6 years and married to her for 1 year before they broke up. They’ve been broken up for 1 year now. While he’s said he’s moved on, he still follows her on social media, and the post about her on Christmas Eve made me doubt if he’s really over her. • My Past: I was also married before, but my marriage was short-lived. I’m working on setting better boundaries this time around to avoid falling into the same patterns of emotional dependency or settling for less than I deserve.What Happened Next:After I ended things, we played a little cat and mouse for two days over a jacket of his from his old job. He asked for it back but never actually came to get it, and I stopped messaging him after that. On New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day, I posted to my stories, and he watched them consistently. Then, on Thursday, January 2nd, he texted me out of nowhere, probably because of a meme I posted that he might’ve thought was about him.At one point during our recent conversations, he implied he wanted me to come over. I made it clear that things wouldn’t be the same as before: • Him: “Like we can hang, but I can’t ask you to stay the night?” • Me: “Yeah, that’s right.” • Him: “Aaokay🥲🫶🏽.”I’ve been firm that the only way we’ll meet up is without sleepovers, and I’m holding off on intimacy until I’m ready. I wanted to make it clear that I’m not willing to settle for minimal effort or a connection that feels shallow.Messages Since Reconnecting: • Thursday, January 2nd: • Him: “How you been 🙂‍↕️🥲” (9:44 AM) • Me: “I’ve been aight, wbu?” (11:12 AM) • Him: “Good good, seen you went onna trip how’d it go?” (12:47 PM) • Me: “It was actually good but I came back sick” (1:30 PM) • Him: “Nooo, cold?” (1:45 PM) • Me: “Covid 💀 just found out today” (2:45 PM) • Him: “Damn, how you feeling” (8:50 PM) • Friday, January 3rd: • Me: “I feel a little better. I’m usually asymptomatic. How was Texas?” (6:00 AM) • Him: “What’s that mean? Pretty good, it’s been a decade since I been down here. I love it.” (8:39 AM) • Saturday, January 5th: • Me: “You’ve been slacking on keeping me entertained 🙄.” (mid-afternoon). • He hasn’t replied, and it’s been hours.Since reconnecting, his effort has been minimal. He texts sporadically, takes hours to reply, and hasn’t asked to meet up again. I’ve set boundaries again—no sleepovers and no intimacy until I’m ready—but it feels like he’s not putting in much effort anymore.What I’m Struggling With: • Before and during our intimacy, he was affectionate and consistent, even picking me up multiple times a week and taking the lead in everything. But after I cut things off on Christmas Eve, the dynamic shifted. Now his effort feels minimal, and I wonder if he’s genuinely interested or just keeping me as an option while entertaining other women. • Did I scare him off with my boundaries and reaction to his ex, or was he never serious to begin with?My Questions for Other Women (or men): 1. How should I interpret his behavior and lack of consistent effort? 2. Am I overthinking, or does this level of engagement suggest he’s not serious about the connection? 3. How can I emotionally detach if he doesn’t step up? 4. Have you ever been in a similar situation where someone seemed genuinely interested at first but became distant after intimacy or after setting boundaries?Any advice would help!”

Looking for advice and constructive criticism

I’m going to try and make this post short and straight to the point as much as I can. I was in a 9 year relationship that ended bc I found out he had a secret relationship behind my back for months which started out when I was only 5 months postpartum with our 3rd and youngest. That was January of 2024. It wasn’t reality till about March bc I hid it from a lot of people bc I was in denial. Anywho I accepted the fact I will never take him back and he’s just a narcissistic that lacked all morals and very much was missing any sort of empathy towards other people. I felt free and I was finally out in the open as a single mom of 3 (all from him). Someone stumbled in my life early September and I told my self I wasn’t going to let it lead anywhere bc I just was in a long term relationship and I wanted to find my self again ofcourse that didn’t happen and after almost 2 months of talking to this said person everyday I finally allowed my self to hangout with them. We just connected and it felt safe/comfortable. He’s leaving for school in March for 3 months which I always knew about which wasn’t going to be an issue we were going to make it work. It was going great….until it wasn’t. I got an IUD right after my 3rd baby. I just found out I was pregnant on Wednesday totally shocked and dumbfounded. I went to him right away ofcourse and his reaction totally caught me off guard and quite frankly I’m still shocked about it. Basically saying how he’s been working so hard to finally be where he’s at and he’s making a huge step in his life to make something of himself and that he wasn’t coming back after school this and that. I had a abortion before my 1st baby and never truly have gotten over it mentally. I’ll still have dreams about that babe here and there. He totally ended things between us bc he had a son at a very young age with someone he barely knew and they tried to make the relationship work for so long and it ultimately hurt and crushed him and he said he wouldn’t put himself through that again considering we don’t truly know eachother or know if we mesh well together. I’m sure it’s a lot of past trauma but regardless he’s removed himself from the situation and basically said it’s my choice and he can’t force me to do anything but he’s leaving regardless. I have no idea what to do. I feel so lost and mixed with emotions and so mad and angry at my self for letting someone in so easily. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason but why this? I’m pregnant now with a completely different person than my older 3. That itself will cause a shit show with my family. Idek what the right choice is in this scenario. I just hate this stuck hollow empty feeling.

Looking to move out before baby is here…August

Does anyone have suggestions on moving out of home to have own living space with baby. I have no support from my family. I currently make 18.50hrly my credit is excellent & have some emergency money saved in case. I’m not sure how I feel about renting a private room since I’ve had a bass experience. My child’s father offered me to stay with him in his family home. But that’s not really ideal for me, since his family is currently going through their own battles.I also have pregnancy Medicaid called for housing but I believe I make a little over income limit.Any suggestions? Please and thank you.

High chance ?

I completely forgot my birth control pills the 31st and 1st. We had sex and he came inside at least 3 times... im screwed huh? >.< high chance ill end up pregnant?

Whoops

UPDATE: I went to the er cause I was experiencing cramping and bleeding and was told I was having a miscarriage my hcg level only went up to 30,it only went up 2 digits within two days. Im feeling indifferent I cried and still crying why I don’t know🤧Well I guess Plan B had other plans because I just found out I’m pregnant😩🤦🏾‍♀️. I don’t even know how to feel I have a toddler almost 4 and he’s a handful of joy and sunshine. I don’t know what God has in store for me but this wasn’t what I thought it was. And conceiving naturally was very hard for me it took me over 10years to conceive my first child. And I’ve been focused on parenting dating or talking wasn’t on my agenda. Now just when I thought I was going to be outside (Respectfully) my body decided to work😩. Me and the guy are still in the getting to know you phase and it’s only been a couple a months. He hasn’t even met my son yet and they have a nice bond over the phone but that’s about it. I’ve been giving myself a timeline for when I think it’s right being it will be the first dude I’ll be introducing him to a dude I talk to and here I go getting knocked up isn’t Plan B suppose to kick them suckahs out🥴.I’ve never took one 🤦🏾‍♀️I guess I ain’t swallow the pill fast enough😭🤣🤣🤣.. ok that’s my rant I had to get off my chest 🤣😂 I’ve been hysterically laughing so I won’t cry nomore.Oh HAPPY new Years

Getting Vasectomy

So husband and I have discussed previously about wanting to have 4-6 babies. God has blessed us with 4 healthy children and one angel baby which I am forever grateful for. My husband had said while I was pregnant with our last baby that he intended to get fixed shortly after I had the baby. I felt 100% on the same page when I was pregnant. But it was like something broke inside me when we were walking out of the hospital with our baby… knowing this is our last baby. My heart hurts so bad. Husband was super excited and called scheduled his consultation literally 2 days after our baby was born. I’m trying to not let my emotions make him feel like he needs to change his mind because I would never want to pressure him. I was crying quietly the other night and he asked me what was going on and I tried to explain to him that it just makes me sad and idk why but I just don’t feel the way I felt when I was pregnant. Fast forward to now 4m PP and he has had his consultation and is scheduled to get his vasectomy in 2 weeks. He was joking about it earlier in the car asking if I’m going to make him a bunch of snacks for a gift. I guess I’m just curious how someone gets through this. I personally would love to have 1-2 more babies but I know he is saying he’s done so I need to respect that too. Just was wondering if anyone else has been through something similar.

Is this still salvageable?

My boyfriend tells me everything about his past and i hear stories from other people about his relationship with his ex of 6 years. I heard stories that she was lazy, controlling, toxic, problematic and my boyfriend admits that he always knew he didn't love her and settled for less because of his own insecurities so he had like low standards for girls (he only wanted to date mid looking girls because he thought they were safe options because other guys wouldn't want them) but still tried to make it work with her. He told me that he was gonna propose to her. Hearing all of that just ruined my perception of him because I feel very turned off because of several reasons:1. he had low standards and was still willing to propose to her eventho she was not a great person but he was still gonna propose. This made me feel less special when he says he wants to marry me because i now think 'well it's not that hard since u would've married like any girl'.2. He didn't love her yet dated her for 6 years. Basically wasted the prime years of his ex's life. I actually feel bad for the ex if i were to put all my prejudice aside, i can't imagine what i'd do to find out my bf of 6 years never loved me and basically just used me because he didn't wanna be alone and was ok with settling. So now i'm not sure what to do about the situation. Our relationship is great except for this whole situation with his ex and it bothers me because it makes me have very poor thoughts towards him. And i can't just forget all the stories i've heard about his ex and it just makes me feel horrible everytime i think about it.

Did anyone else struggle to drink enough water during first trimester?

I’m trying to drink enough water but occasionally my urine is dark. Did anyone have complications during or after these habits ? I haven’t been to my first scan appt.

Second wedding?

So my husband and I want a second wedding. Our first wedding, we planned to have a big traditional wedding, we set a day and everything. Well I fell pregnant and my due date was the day before our wedding date so we decided not to have a big wedding to focus on getting stuff for the baby and expenses. We decided to get married exactly a month before our original date, it was very lowkey, only immediate family and a few friends and diy dollar tree decorations and my mom walked me down the aisle, when originally I wanted both my dads. It was rushed and not exactly what I wanted.. we’re 1 year and 3 months married. Would it be weird if we did another wedding? Do people have second weddings? Is it too soon to “renew vows”? We didn’t even do vows 🤣

Pregnancy support groups

So my man got me pregnant and he was happy about it, so it seemed. But first thing he asked was . Is it his. Lil are you serious. I’m not your last babymama. She cheated on you and a baby and told you it was yours … when you know it’s not. … not me. So don’t ever disrespect me like that. I’m faithful asf you. Not only that I am not a hoe. I don’t get down like that. Anyway some of you know iv been have lower abdominal pain on my left side since finding out about my pregnancy. Mind you befor I found out k was pregnant i thought it was just cramps from my late period… nope my period wasn’t late im pregnant in the dr confirmed it. I’m 4 weeks and six day. So when I went to the hospital the first time for the pain the dr. Took my blood and rain text took my pee rain test , also an ultrasound one on my belly and one vaguely.Everything came back normal. Mind you whole time I’m in the hospital , I’m messaging my my man keeping him updated. No response whole time I was there. But was on in off face book. So when I leave the hospital in walked thru the door he trying to act concerned. Like if he did get my messages till k walked thru the door. We been arguing non stop. He says the most disrespectful things to me. So I’m at the point yo where I want to get an abortion or give my baby up from adoption. Because I can’t put my innocent child thru this. This man walks thru this house at 1 am thinking it’s okay. Like I’m supposed to be okay with that while pregnant. Like how. Im still having this pain in its like it’s getting worse. I feel like a miscarriage is going to happen. From all this stress.in i don’t want that. So if anyone knows any support groups or mental health services. I’d appreciate that. Because this man acts like he doesn’t care or wants this child with me.

Im scared need reassurance

Im so scared that when i have my baby, my relationship with the father is going to fall apart. We have been together for 5 years, hes my soulmate i dont want the stress to result in me losing him. Hes really scared, we werent expecting this at all. Im 27, hes 28. Im scared too. We havent been to college, we dont have much of a routine and are still healing in self-discipline. I know we can make it work and we have a lot of support but i am really really scared hes going to call it quits with me eventually… he seems so sure that he wont but he also has said he is scared of how mucb its going to affect our relationship too. We communicate so well, and the relationship is so healthy and strong and we want to be together forever…. But this is a HUGE and very unexpected change thats going to cause so much stress.Dont get me wrong, im also really excited and i cant wait to meet my lil bean, i know its going to be the most amazing thing ive ever experienced and it will all be worth it. I just cant help but simultaneously worry and try to prepare myself for the worst so that i can be the best for my baby.

Gamer husband can’t be trusted ?

My husband is a gamer got caught text messaging a girl he used to play with online gaming sexually and very inappropriate in August 2024. We were still trying to get past it and me trying to forgive. He says she came out of nowhere and started logging back in. Anyways he deleted her and that was that. A few days ago another girl popped up that he used to play with and he was messaging her but they were talking about how this girl was flirty back then (they were teenagers) and how they two also. Flirted alittle. I got upset because although they were flirting with each other I felt the conversation was not appropriate and given our recent issue I didn’t like it. Well I allow him to talk to his friend because I’m trying to give him more credit and I found out they were playing game Together and they were on the phone for 2 hours (him and all of has gamer friends would talk on discord app and call on it while playing so it’s nothing new or weird) for some reason I got upset and really mad because I told him I was comfortable with him messaging other women that I don’t know and he thinks I’m doing too much and stated he didn’t know or forgot I said that and keeps on trying to defend himself. I then was childish and screenshot me pretending to send a message to a guy I knew in high school that has a crush on me and sent to him and he got UPSET… I told him see now you can see where I’m coming from but idk am I’m being too overbearing ? Or does he just not care?

Being around secondhand smoker while pregnant every other day

I’m 9 weeks and worried about second hand smokers in public. When I first smell it I usually try to hold my breath in. When I leave work I try to speed walk past the area and into my car as much as I can. Has anyone gone through similar?… I’ve been told it won’t affect as much as if you’re the one smoking.

Am I having a baby with a deadbeat?

I’m 34 weeks pregnant and my partner and I just moved to an England (citizens). He’s 31 and I’m 26. I came here to study full time and He’s hoping to become a professional footballer. He’s found a team in his first week but he can’t start getting paid til mid January (AROUND MY DUE DATE)I’m getting stressed because he isn’t looking for a job in the meantime he just keeps talking about opening a bakery business or selling his pastries to other cafes. We have NO SAVINGS. My rent and bills are being paid by my scholarship and I’ve not been able to pay my tuition yet because of my pregnancy taking most of that money He doesn’t seem to be taking the important thing seriously but will spend hours working out and researching workouts and diets, found a gym within days of landing and eats through our groceries like we have an abundance of grocery money. He cooks BUT DOESN’T CLEAN. Am I wrong for being upset?How do I bring this up to him? Do I send him to a homeless shelter and do this alone?

Gender Reveal!! 💙or 💗

We have a 17 year old Boy starting ALLover Again! We just want a health baby first but we definitely thought it was a BOY! lol

12 weeks & I don’t feel like me

I’m 12 weeks and I don’t feel like myself. I can’t wear my jeans anymore i feel like I’m growing out of my clothes it’s getting tight. I don’t sleep well at night I toss and turn through the night sometimes I can be tired and just can’t sleep. I know it’s just the beginning but I just can’t wait to get this baby out and I just don’t feel I myself I can’t work as much as I want to and I feel like I get irritated so quick like I’ve been in a bad mood since yesterday stemming off my mom and I going back and forth. I haven’t seen my child’s father since September and I just don’t know what to do. I hate that I feel like my bad moods just last longer now and I just want to feel normal again

Am I doing something wrong 😩

Me and my partner have been in a relationship for three years. The start of the relationship was absolutely perfect. I was so content. A lot of shit went on like a baby a new house the list goes on… for two years I can count on my hands how much we’ve had sex, he rarely hugs me or kisses me. Barely tells me he loves me. We have the same argument again and again about this I feel so so stupid for bringing it up all the time. I just feel like I have needs. This can’t go on forever. I must be doing something wrong as he never compliments me nothing. We have a good friendship and he’s an amazing dad. But why doesn’t he care toCome near me.

Cheating? bf of 1y9m

I found out I’m pregnant 11/13. I found this from him acct yesterday. I also see he’s easily astonished by females even in public.. He’s 21 I’m 24. His family is also close to the family of a girl he used to have a thing for & Thanksgiving his family including him went to their house to celebrate. We made plans together for that day but he wasn’t making actual effort the day of. I decided after this I don’t want to be together, since I’ve seen this pattern before & it’s best for me in the long run. I come from a broken family and I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I just want opinions if anyone has gone through a similar situation.. Am I wrong or being selfish ? (He doesn’t know I’ve seen this thread reply)I don’t know about going the next route..He says he loves me & that he’s never cheated on me

Husband + Stress + Pregnant = 😭🤯🤬

Ok so my husband and I got into a argument today because I found out he spend $200 on a 🔫 and $350 (it was on sale for $100 off) on a scope.. Normally this is not a big deal but we do not combine our money, he pays bills I pay rent and groceries. He makes three times as much as I do and I am struggling so hard to just afford my sanity. I am also 9.5 weeks pregnant and have doctor bills, truck payment, credit card payments (that we both racked up), I can’t even afford for our dogs to go to the vet for their routine check ups this month. I tried to explain how it hurts my feelings he can see me struggle and be pregnant and he goes out and buys $500 worth of stuff we don’t need right now. He doesn’t understand the stress on top of being pregnant and says that I just put him down and am constantly “ripping” his head off… I have actually been pretty calm and we literally haven’t even argued in months. Idk what I am trying to say or prove but I just needed to rant cause I am literally so stressed about when the baby gets here how I am going to afford anything while he is off buying whatever he wants. Thanks for listening,Stressed mamma that needs to catch a break.

Crappy husband

So I am currently pregnant. I need to get this of my chest. I am currently 4 weeks. Just found out over the weekend. So this is the deal. My husband and I have been having a hard year for our marriage. He is very stuck in my past, I had a previous long term relationships before him . He knew about it before getting married to me. Well due to this he started talking to other women and sexting which I found pictures. This was a whole as problem. Fast forward, the lady is in Mexico. My husband has very crazy thoughts of cheating on me and blah blah blah. We planned on going to Mexico in December for Xmas. Well I knew my fate. But now I found out I’m pregnant. I have a history of ectopic pregnancy and miscarriages. I told him about the testing this morning for hcg and ultrasound and he sounded pissed. So I texted him saying if you want to go to Mexico by all means go visit your parents like you want to I’m not gonna stop you. You don’t have to be mad. His response was. I am not mad. I just can’t believe when we are planning on traveling to Mexico you become pregnant when you haven’t been pregnant in a long time so I’m bawling my eyes crying because my pregnancy is an inconvenience for him and I told him I can’t believe you’re mad because of that his response was no, but I just don’t understand so what do I do leave? It’s not easy to stay it nor to leave. being married is hard.