Hey ladies,

Just looking for the 60-second version of who we all are and why we're here... I'll start it off, new members please feel free to jump in!

I'm Amy, 36, work in ecological research and love my job, married to an absolutely fantastic younger man (28) who was married very briefly before, from which he has a super-adorable 17-month old son. We have no children together and aren't sure if we'll ever go down that road, but I'm psyched to be a stepmom and, although he did not want to have kids with the ex (she pulled the old "secretly quit bc because a baby will fix our failing relationship" trick), my husband is committed to being the best dad he can to his son.

BUT. Since she found out that he had started seeing me, the ex wife has basically lost her shit and is trying every goddamn thing to have us both completely excluded from this poor kid's life. She is diagnosed borderline personality disorder and everything she does is pretty much textbook - extreme "splitting" behavior and viewpoints on people, making neverendingly-escalating allegations of abuse each time the court refuses to believe her last story, claiming my husband has every personality disorder/mental illness in the book (project much?), contacting our friends, families, and even coworkers for info stalking and attempted smear campaigns, filing baseless court pleadings one after the next, disobeying and challenging court orders that don't go her way, refusing to accept child support payments and then claiming non-receipt, interfering with (or outright obstructing) my husband's parenting time, and consistently saying terrible things to the child about my husband and I (i.e., "baby-voice" talking to the toddler, while clearly addressing my husband, saying things like "your daddy tried to kill me, yes he did! And you'll grow up knowing he hates you, won't you? Yes you will..." - just for one of a hundred examples).

We don't have custody, and have to travel by air not only for each new court hearing, but also just to see him for parenting time every few months - and every visit she has dreamed up some new and predictably more outrageous problem. We have gotten to the point where we now film every single exchange, and all our time alone with him, because of the crazy stories she's tried to spin in court.

Her shenanigans have drained our finances and, although my husband and I are a really solid team, it's a shitty, stressful, and really sad situation, and sometimes the best we can do is not let it get between the two of us. Basically, dealing with this woman is No. Fucking. Picnic. I don't ever snap and say what I'd like to say to her (I actually have no communication with her at all, aside from ignoring the awful things she sits and says on our court-ordered Skype sessions with the kiddo), but a girl's gotta vent somewhere! Which is why I made this group.

Oh, and in my free time I'm finishing up my Master's thesis, helping (occasionally!) with the remodel of our new house, I like to trail-run, backcountry ski, write, skate roller-derby, get all puppy-eyed over my amazing husband, and drink a fuckton of wine with girlfriends when all else fails. 😝🍷

What's YOUR story?

The Wife v2.0 club - for second wives and stepmoms