I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed in general, especially with holidays and the busiest, most stressful time of the year at work, and next week we’re traveling Florida for 3 day amusement park trip with my in-laws.

I had to decide last night if I wanted to start IUI for the first time (7:30am ultrasound/bloodwork appointment this morning). My husband obviously wanted me to start now and a big part of me wanted to, too, but I also have no idea how my body will react to Clomid and Letrazole for the first time, and my 5 days on it would lead directly into the amusement park time, and there’s a big chance we won’t be in town for the actual IUI.

Thinking about hot flashes and crankiness while walking all day in Florida when I’m already sensitive to heat…and I love my in-laws but they do take patience… I think I’d be miserable, so I decided to cancel this morning’s appointment.

We only have a 2% chance of conceiving naturally, and I’m 36 1/2 with the dream of having two children (which feels selfish now that we might not even be able to have one).

My husband got upset last night that I couldn’t hold his disappointed feelings while struggling to make the choice for my body/mental health. I have deeply engrained people pleasing, which he knows, so it was really hard when he asked my decision and I said my gut was saying to wait, that he expressed deep disappointment and then asked me again, like he was hoping his disappointment would change my answer. I tried to explain it was hard that he was doing that and then he got upset that there was no room for his feelings about this and stormed away to bed. I felt pretty upset that he couldn’t just accept my decision without re-asking; that felt like he didn’t actually accept my decision and I felt more alone in an already tough call.

It’s been a hard process on both of us, I just feel guilty to be skipping when even IUI percentages are low. But I really could use this month to not be putting my body through more stress.

This is a long-winded ask for reassurance that it’s ok I skipped this month, especially since I’m not feeling fully supported about it at home right now :/.

TTC with IUI