From a young age I’ve always been very hyper aware of the way I look, and now that I’m about to turn 23, I can’t haven’t found a way to make these thoughts stop.

Honestly I always hate the way my body looks, my face, my stomach, my arms my legs and hands my shoulders, everything. I’m usually good at keeping in hidden and suppressed to continue throughout my day and get the stuff I need to done, but today I got super triggered by my own body.

I decided to get a belly button piercing, it’s something I’ve always wanted, but never felt I had a nice enough body to do. My friend convinced me to get a spontaneous piercing today and i thought fuck it.

It was a super excited at first, but I just ended up getting a crooked piercing :/ not the biggest deal in the world, but just the fact that I had to show my biggest insecurities to someone is really keeping me up. Like I hate my stomach, and the piercer had to stare at it and so did my friend. I hated that she saw me, even though we’ve been friends since we were fifteen, I hate that she actually saw me. That she saw my raw unfiltered body. I’m usually hiding my body behind something and the fact that it was just so open got to me. So I was already anxious, to now having a crooked piercing. I’ve decided the whole thing that’s making me upset isn’t the piercing, but rather just that I hate myself so much. I hate that I look the way I do. I hate that I can’t do spontaneous things like other people do and have it look cute and trendy but instead it looks desperate. I hate that I got a crooked piercing because, my belly button is a little crooked. I hate that despite going to the gym 5 times a week and eating healthy I still look fat. I hate that no matter how hard I try to look a certain way I can’t. I know perfection isn’t achievable, but damn, I try so hard. It just feels like I’m never good enough. And I dunno y how to get better.

I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of hating and putting myself. Im tired of feeling so physically huge in crowd of people yet so small when it comes down to who I am in a raw emotional sense. I want to stop being afraid of people leaving me because I’m not good enough. I’m just tired of living this life of not being enough and letting other people down all the time.

body hate?