3 years & 7 times - all BFN'S. Used different donors and even a known donor twice. IUI once in clinic (wasn't the most comfortable journey) and the rest at home ICI's.

Hope slowly dissipates and makes you want to give up. Each negative breaks your heart just a little more.

Each cycle you track, track, track some more. Take your vitamins and eat healthy, don't stress they say - although stress slowly takes over when tracking, picking a donor, finding the money and ensuring the shipment timeline matches your Predicted Ovulation.

Telling a friend or family member in hopes of support, then having to hear them say "it'll happen when you just relax", "just know that when the time is right it'll stick", "don't worry - try to just have fun".

That would be a lot easier if all we had to do was "have fun" but timing is everything in this process and if we don't plan and track and order and plan again and try to find that "peak" then it won't happen will it?

Hearing stories about "first time and it worked" always makes me happy for them but then I become snarky and rude - must be nice I say to myself. Friends and family getting pregnant "accidentally" and again I turn into the worst version of myself.

I just want to be pregnant, experience the miracle and have the opportunity to be a mother, give my wife the opportunity to be a mother, a great mother! - I've known I wanted to be a mother and experience this miracle since I can remember 😔.

I know everyone's journey is different and the end result will always be worth every heartbreak, every tear, everything.

I do hope that anyone and everyone who is wanting a baby, no matter the mode, gets their wish granted. Good luck! Know that your hardwork will pay off. It will (I tell myself).

Lesbians TTC