I can already feel myself fading and spiraling 🤦🏾‍♀️🙇🏾‍♀️ so this is what I’m going to do:

1. Instead of not-coping and instead of coping unhealthily, I’m going to identify my needs:

➡️ Safety/ Nourishment

➡️ Comfort

➡️ Control

I’m going to write a list of the things I’m going to do to have an evening that isn’t marked by my losing touch in depression and anxiety and outrage and mindfuckery, by meeting my needs (and from the bottom up 👀 I’m gonna make a list about that, too 👀): ✅ Control

2. I’m going to create a soothing and calm environment to retreat to:

First I’ll set up the bathroom with allllll my candles. Fire, and LED (I’ve collected 21... they’re wax flickering LED candles highly recommended for hospital births).

I’ll also mix a cup of dried hibiscus leaves with a half cup of blended olive and camellia seed oils (1:4), and leave that by the tub for a bath.

I’ll just time the candles for 10pm & leave a lighter in the bathroom, with frankincense & myrrh incense sticks at the ready. That and a frozen water bottle. I’ll use my phone for ocean sounds and the option to reach out... however unlikely that may be: ✅ Comfort

3. I’ll be logical as I consider my safety:

-I am as safe as I can be, where I live. There are other factors, but it’s the best I can do and I have been fine doing the best I can do thus far.

4. I’ll be logical as I consider my nutrition:

- I did thaw out some turkey, and my restaurant-food-budget has been allocated for a future date. But I need to be realistic about my ability to cook an entire meal right now.

I’m afraid the bath mix alone is going to be a challenge... and I need to take baby steps when I’m at my worst. I’ll have to cancel my carry-out corona dinner plans and order delivery or something close by... probably delivery.

I haven’t eaten today, and I can’t blame the one triggering event because I barely ate yesterday. There’s a reason I went “out of office” this week on classes and all my other goings-on.

I need to take stock of that and adjust my budget accordingly, now and in the future: ✅Safety/Nutrition

It’s going to keep being a bumpy ride

Or should I say trip

PTSD support