Hi. So I am going to try to make this as short but as to the point as I can. I am located in NC. I married when I was very young,18 (and not so smart🤣) to a guy who turned out to be an abusive, narcissistic, toxic drug addict and theif. He has an 18 page criminal record and has been in constant trouble since he was 13. He is 33 now. He is also a habitual felon. I got pregnant and had my first daughter when I was 20. As soon as I had her, it was like a light switch. I left him and made it clear if he wanted to be apart of her life he would change his and get it together. He did nothing to stand up to those terms. The last time he saw her was when she was 3 weeks old, and he tried taking her. With no way to leave. No where to go. No knowledge of how to care for a baby. NOTHING. Thankfully my parents and other people were there and were able to make sure he did not leave with her. As someone was trying to calm the situation he (my daughter’s bio-father) pulled a box cutter on the person. The law was called. That person did not press charges but immediately I hired a lawyer and asked for sole custody. They gave me a temporary sole custody order because it was fastest to get and it was an emergency situation. We have been separated and divorced since. And he has also been locked up since. (Going on 5 years, as my daughter will be 5 in July. ) he got out for 2 weeks last year when he was released and made no effort to better him self, get help, stay clean or out of trouble, so that he could become apart of her life. Nothing. Which is okay with me right now because he is nothing but a danger to her. So within 2 weeks he was locked right back up because he got in more trouble. I havnt heard anything from him at all in atleast 2 years now. He use to write sometimes to my daughter to my parents address. He no longer reaches out at all.

I recently got remarried. My now husband has been the one helping me raise and take care of my daughter since she was 2.5-3 years old and is planning to possibly terminate his rights and adopt her by the end of this year. Someone from my ex’s family reached out to me to let me know (for our safety) that he is getting out next month and has plans of some sort to see my daughter and be apart of her life, but is going to do nothing to better his. If he can show consistent Change and get his self and his life together I have no problem with one day him being apart of her life. I WANT him to be apart of her life some day. I WANT him to get clean and stay off drugs and get the mental help he needs. But he doesn’t see that he has a problem and only cares about himself and doesn’t want to put in any work to change his life. I am sure his mother who is just as controlling and narcissistic and toxic as he is will hire him a lawyer to be able to see my daughter.

-So I guess some of my questions are should I expect that a judge would grant him any visitations or rights even though my daughter doesn’t even know him because he’s never been around because he stays in constant trouble?

-is it easier to modify an existing custody case than what ut would be to file a new one if nothing was already in place?

- could it take years to have it granted and modified like it could if it was a new case filed? Or since it’s already filed and in place it could be a quicker process ?

-what if any tips do you think I could do or use to let a judge see that him being apart of her life right now is not what’s best for her.

-would a record that long play any role in this?

- would it be easier to revoke his parental rights since he’s not ever been in her life ?

-have any of you had this kind of situation ?

*and might I add I am 99.9% the ONLY reason he all of a sudden wants to “be a apart of her life” is bc he has for word that I have remarried; so just to disrupt the peace. Because that’s all he does.

I apologize this is so long winded but I tried to give the main details and run down of this long drawn out nightmare. So if you took the time to read all of it; thank you.

Child custody