So I just started counseling again. This is the first time I’ve gotten help since I turned 19. I just turned 29 this year. So it’s been 10 years?! I was in counseling from 16-19 because of suicidal thoughts and actions, as well as self harm. I lost my insurance at 19 and couldn’t afford to keep going. Now that I’m able to go, I’ve finally found a place that I feel comfortable going. I’ve only been twice so far, and then had a 30m phone call today, but I’m really looking forward to relearning who I am. I’ve been in a really bad spiral for a few years that I feel has finally come to a head this year. I’ve actually been diagnosed with MDD now. I have no control over my life or my emotions anymore. I want to be a better person and mom to my amazing little boy. He deserves the best I have to offer. And I deserve to be the best version of myself I can be. I suffer from bother MDD and severe anxiety. It’s gotten to the point that it’s now put a huge strain on my relationship of 11y. We met at my best, and now I’m at my worst. I just hope he can stay in this fight with me.

Today we only got to have a 30m phone conversation. I didn’t get to delve fully into what I wanted to, but I did get a little of the validity I needed. I got my weekend “homework”, and an invitation to a (religious) group session, where they tend to go into advice and talk about their troubles and other things that could be helpful for me. Not to mention, it’ll be good for me to get some social interaction since I’m a SAHM, who’s bfs car is broken so mine is being used and I’m literally trapped in my house-with a 3yo-all day everyday. Fun. My “homework” this weekend is to talk to my bf about getting better in sync with our parenting and to start using these affirmations daily. I’m horrible with communication and I break down in tears immediately when trying to talk to my bf about anything important to me. So this isn’t a simple task. This is a huge step I have to take. I’ve also been tasked with changing up how I deal with my son for the next 3 weeks to see how/if it helps his behavior and if it does, how it effects my state of mind. I’m internally panicking about this conversation I have to have. Any suggestions on HOW to talk to someone without only crying? I could really use the advice.

I just wanted a place to vent when I’m waiting on my upcoming session or even just to talk about how I feel my session went. I truly hope this group serves the community well!

I made this affirmation for my Lock Screen. Feel free to use it!

Counseling/Therapy

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