“you can choose your husband but your child cannot choose their dad”

through out the entire pregnancy. It wasn’t an easy one. Allah s.w.t (god) has tested us to our outmost & alhamdulilah(thankgod) for that ujian. Lupus Sle pregnancy first and then later diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension. (every google searched says it lead to death) so imagine my fear. Was given an option to abort to save my life @ 24 weeks pregnant. My husband, fought alll ends bring in so many reason why on religion, faith and beliefs to convinced me that everything is going to be okay. We took the risk. This was only the beginning.

Later, due to these complications. i had to gave birth early & was diagnosed with fgr (fetal growth restriction) Tengku Raees wasn’t able to get what he needs in my tummy & mom guilt was real. Back and through every week scans at sgh to check his heartbeat, cord flow etc imagine the anxiety and fear if the doc says other than we are doing okay. (we live in the east) More stress was additionally added. This was the downfall.

5 months into the pregnancy, i had to use a CADD pump that’s connected to my chest with medication administered to my heart 24/7 and i had to carry that pump with me whenever i go.

Upon delivery, small preterms babies had to stay in NICU. 1 month & it was unbearable for me. Recovery was alhamdulilah for me but.. This was it.

i had post partum depression progressively. It was so bad. It felt like i was put into a box with no help to reached to, climb to and the box is only getting bigger each day & nobody even remembers theres a box and i’m in it. (i can’t explain how it felt like but it was a challenge)

so imagined my husband going through all these with me while juggling work etc..

But Tengku Nasir my husband, without fail, went to Sgh Neonatal Unit everyday 2 times a day to care, to nurse & to bond with our son. Everyday without fail. To deliver my precious breastmilk so that Tengku Raees could be as healthy as he is today. He works in the morning, he came back in the afternoon from work, to deliver the milk, he continues to earn from grab then he came back home to shower and went out to deliver the milk & to do skin to skin with Tengku Raees, to recite dua’s (prayers) etc.

At home, during my confinement without my son. he received instructions from my mami & mama to do what he should, make me breakfast in the morning(important for bf mom) then to apply pilis(malay traditional confiment mask) etc on me as my makcik urut got sick. to ensure i wore socks & do what he did best; to entertain me. Girls. funny guy goes a long way.

Till this date, we have our ups and down. Who doesn’t?

but as i am going through chemo for the second time and it was my first cycle yesterday. i complained to him how painful it was & he made some jokes. Other may think or feel that he might not take anything seriously but this man has all the capabilities to hide all his emotions and throw it into the drain so that he can share his smiles & happiness with his love ones and worry all by himself holding onto faith, beliefs & Allah s.w.t that everything will be okay.

He always never fails to remind me how lucky i am to be the choosen one to feel all these and to received such ujian for allah, as long as the end goal is a place in Jannah for me. Masyallah

I am blessed, 13 years of knowing this man. From being my mom friend son, to being a friend who i hate the most cause he is so narcissistic to a friend who occasionally i meet and lepak to a friend who found me at Playground crying because i broke up with my long term boyfriend (5 years) p.s reminder; number of years doesn’t matter if he does not make you feel special. Then to my part time pakcik supir to send me here and there and fetch me and progressively to my boyfriend and within 6 month he promised me to hitched me and we did. Subhanallah.

May allah bless you Tengku Nasirudin, my husband and my bestfriend. ❤️

Women of Singapore 🇸🇬