My partner and I met just over 2 years ago at work. Unfortunately shortly after she joined my work, she was SA’d on her bike ride home. We became very close after this happened because I was the only one to notice she wasn’t okay and she already had issues at home with her then fiancé (domestic abuse). I was the only one she confided in and I eventually managed to get her to get some help. During this time I spent a lot of time with her helping her get through this. Late night trips to the hospital, daily car share home or just spending the evenings together. This was the first same sex relationship for the both of us and I was just obsessed with her, I fell head over heels after our first kiss and been her sub ever since.

We’ve recently had our 2 year anniversary and I can’t help but think she isn’t interested anymore. Part of this is down to our sex life. In the first year we would have sex a few times a week. Understandably, a year after the SA happened, things started to change in the bedroom and it just started dropping off to the point where I can’t remember the last time we actually had sex. I try to make it as pressure free as possible, making it clear at any time if she needs to stop, we stop, no questions asked, no pressure to continue. I kept making moves to try initiating intimate time and she would just not want to, which is fair enough but it’s been so long now it’s worrying. It’s actually gotten to a point where I’ve told her she needs to initiate because I can’t keep getting knocked down by what feels like disinterest. I keep asking her if she still wants to be with me because she’s just really distant now but she keeps saying she does, I just can’t help but think she only says that because I can provide her a comfortable life.

I spoke with her the other day because she supposedly had to go see her ex to pick up some post and to speak to his family about the lies his step brother has been spreading. She was there for over an hour and it just seemed suspicious to me. I brought this up with her and she said she wouldn’t do that to me. I just can’t get it out of my mind. Especially as she worked a night shift last night out of the blue and he just magically turns up at our neighbours house as we leave, her knowing I was going out today when she would be “asleep” and he just coincidentally seemed to have stayed over the night.

I’ve also noticed over the past few months she is attached to her phone and I don’t know what’s going on as she speaks in Polish a lot of the time and I can’t speak it (not for a lack of trying). Upsettingly, she has tonight hidden her phone from me.

I love her with all my heart and I don’t think I will ever feel this way about someone, but I can’t help but think that I’m being taken for a fool.

Sorry for such a long story, but i really need your help, is she taking me for a fool or is it really all down to trauma and coincidence?

LGBTQ