On Tuesday July 23rd the guy I thought was my soulmate and partner for life walked out on me and took our 1 year old baby—snatching her from where she was sound asleep in her crib, halfway through her morning nap. It was a hideous scene, police were called but they couldn't do a thing, and she was taken over 300 km away to my now ex's mommy's house. This little girl has never been away from me for more than an hour.

I called lawyers, I called social workers, I called doctors. I hugged sobbing children (I have 3 kids from a previous relationship who absolutely adore their baby sister, who were here for the whole scene and missed her as much as I did) and cried myself to not-sleeping.

The day after he left us, for no reason at all, I took a pregnancy test. I wasn't even late, it was 4 days before my expected period. And it came up super dark almost instantly. I did not plan on another baby, at all. 5 is a lot, especially single! I need to find a job ASAP because I got laid off from my job of 13 years while I was on mat leave with my 4th baby. But I feel so zen about this baby, ao at peace. I know it will be fine.

There is a happy ending of sorts. I got an emergency application in and the judge ordered that my daughter be returned to me immediately, and I made the 4 hour trip in 3 hours flat. By 8 pm Friday she was back in my arms. It is still a process—she still has a completely meltdown if I'm out of her sight for a second, and it took 3 days before she could sleep in her crib again without jolting awake constantly, completely panicked.

But we're strong and we can do this. All of it!!

40+ & Pregnant