So we out of most people have an urge tohold these babies! We did not just get pregnant! No we prayed, cried, paid tons of money, were poked, and not to mention the hormone ride we endured to hear that heart beat. The day all engines are a go and we are told we are meeting our true loves comes ans just like that it is all take away again by those ugly words "baby has to go to NICU". Seriously'? another hurdle!? i have juiced, walked, taken to bedrest and still no rainbow? When u have crackheads that never had a prental check up w perfectly robust babies!? More tears, more hand holding with our spouses, another time we have to look at each other in the eyes and promise this to shall pass and God has a purpose! I still remember that first trip to meet my little love, wheeled in by a nurse, plugged in to a catheter and iv. I was still drugged from csection but not enough to feel emotionally numbed... There was our tresured little one in a pexiglass box connected to more machines and not even a clear visual of her face!! 🙈🙈😭😭😭😭 . Everytime, every vist seemed to get harder and still not holding her kept tearing me apart. All these years of hoping for her and i had to ask a nurse for permision to grab her hand when she was mine! living thru it was a terrible nightmare. Bothing let me sleep, ambian, pain killers, bothing seemed to work. All i could think of was keep pumping every two hours so she can have a great milk supply when ahe ia ready.

Looking back i now see great things and gifts that came from those days.

1- It taught me i was stronger physically and mentally than i ever could have imagined. Csection never bothered or hurt, all i could think was of baby! I would hold my tears when next to her so she wouldnt think her mama was a cry baby!

2- baby had all sort of test run that we would have not other wise. So we came home with a baby that was super healthy, proven by all her tedt resulta not juat to the common eye.

3- They trained her to eat every 3 hrs, to sleep w all sorts of lights ans noises. That first week of hers she spent under serioua baby training w professionals.

4- Also since i spent ao many hours at Nicu, i was given personalized lessons on all things newborn. How to burp, how to latch how to feed etc. Those nurses are a wealth lf knowledge and i made the moat of my time w them.

5- NICU made me realize how important each breathe is... my little one had to push and fight for her to be able to breathe on her own. Seeing her fight for it all, made me focus that she had no need for the fancy stroller, the designer outfit to leave the hospital in, or any lf the superficial things i had spent the laat couple of weeks focused on. My little one needed her health, her parents to love her and most important God to hold her thru these difficult times.

NICU made me a better mom! 😊😊😊

BFP Due on May