I was two days past my due date, but I wasn’t anxious about being past my due date at all. The only thing that was making me feel anxious was the prodromal labor I was experiencing. It was exhausting and frustrating to have been having contractions off and on for a little over a week. I almost wanted to go into labor to prove to myself that I wasn’t crazy. That these contractions were real, they were doing something and the baby really was coming. I hated the feeling of everything I was going through being labeled “false”… “false labor”, “a false alarm”. I was ready for it to finally be REAL!

Around 5 o’clock, I decided that they definitely were stronger than they had ever been before. I texted my midwife, Rebekah, and told her I had timed 3 contractions and they were about 5 min apart. She told me to keep her updated.

I texted Rebekah at 6:20 and said “Getting hard to focus/talk through”. She called me about 10-15 min later, but right when I answered the phone a contraction started and I couldn’t talk. I put my phone on speaker and Ryan, my husband, spoke with her.

I told Ryan he should probably start setting up the pool, so he did. I started pacing around the kitchen/living room area. I stopped at the fireplace where I had hung up all my birth affirmations and started reading through them to help myself get in the right mindset and give me some motivation to keep calm and keep pushing through. None of them were really sticking with me until I got to one that said “I feel pressure, no pain.” I never expected that one to be the one that helped me through the most, but it really did help me to focus through every contraction, telling myself that it was “just pressure”. I think it helped me to stay in the mindset where I stopped myself from focusing on the negative thoughts that come from being in horrible pain, and instead focused on the fact that my contractions were GOOD. They were meaningful and productive. Through every contraction after that, I repeated out loud to myself “I feel pressure, no pain.” Until I couldn’t form sentences anymore. Then it turned into me just repeating “pressure” over and over.

Finally, I was able to get in the water and it felt so good. It is amazing to me what a difference being in the water during labor can make. I moved around a bit through some contractions, but finally found a comfortable position on my hands and knees, rocking forwards and backwards. I knew we didn’t have very much time so I asked Ryan if he would call Rebekah and ask how much longer until she would be there. Ryan told me we were fine, and even if the baby came before Rebekah got there we would be ok. Then he said, “actually, that’s her right now” and went out the front door to check.

Rebekah came in at about 7:30 with a cheerful “Hi honey!” but I was mid contraction and was silent. 😅 Just deep breathing. She got to work bringing in her stuff and getting everything set up. I had dropped the “pressure” mantra and was just humming/moaning through each contraction now. Rebekah checked baby’s heart rate and said it sounded great. At about 7:45 Rebekah’s birthing assistant, Emma, arrived. About 5 minutes after her arrival I was in transition. I was staring laser-focused at the inside wall of the pool through a crazy, intense contraction and before it let off another contraction started right on top of that one. I knew if I wasn’t getting a break between my contractions, that was a good sign that I was in transition. I got maybe a 30 second break after those two, then had another very strong contraction that lasted maybe twice as long as my regular ones had been.

After fighting through those three super long, intense contractions, I got another 1 minute break. During the next contraction, my body started pushing. I say “my body started pushing” not “I started pushing” because I had absolutely no control over it. The best way I’ve heard this stage described is it’s like vomiting, but instead of your body pushing everything up, it’s pushing everything down. I couldn’t have stopped it even if I tried. With that very first pushing contraction, I felt a big whoosh of fluid shooting out as my water broke. This is the point where I lost control. Up until then I had stayed super focused and present and stuck with my mantra or humming through everything. After my water broke I cried and started shouting “Owwww!”

When that contraction finished, Rebekah came over to check the baby’s heart rate again. The pain lessened a bit, but no longer went away between contractions and even while I wasn’t contracting I was whimpering and moaning in pain. Rebekah encouraged me to take some deep breaths and relax, and let my body integrate.

Another contraction started and my body started pushing again. Their pattern through pushing was about one minute on, one minute off. During my pregnancy I told myself I wanted to breathe through contractions and do very gentle pushing. My body had different plans! I couldn’t stop the huge, powerful urges to push.

With my next contraction, I felt the baby crowning. That contraction ended and I cried. I was having a moment of thinking “I can’t do this. This is impossible.” Rebekah whispered “Good job Kelsi.” and Ryan said “You’re doing great hunny.” I continued to cry and Rebekah told me to take a breath and just let it happen. I took some deep calming breaths and she said “That’s the way. Stay present.” I continued with my deep breathing.

When my next contraction started I stayed silent while I pushed. Rebekah asked if I was feeling baby’s head right there, and I was, but I couldn’t answer mid-push. I continued to push and our photographer, Natalia, walked through the door.

Rebekah started to check baby’s heart rate again. His heart rate was low so she said they were going to give me some oxygen to help. Emma grabbed a red tank of oxygen and a mask and brought it over to me. Right as she approached me, another contraction started and I started pushing. My chin was tucked down and my face was near the water so she couldn’t get the mask on me. She asked me to lift my head up, but I couldn’t move. Ryan crouched next to me and all three of them started to coax me into lifting my head up, but as I was pushing I could feel his head start to come out. I said “Baby’s coming out”. All three of them jumped up to prepare for catching baby. I started yelling “Oh God, oh God, oh God! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!” When I was holding my breath and pushing he started to come, but when I let go of my breath to tell them he was coming and then started yelling, it relaxed my pushing and his head didn’t come all the way out, it went back in a little bit. When he didn’t come all the way out I panted “Ok, ok, ok… breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.” to myself. I slowed my breathing to big deep breaths again. Rebekah said she needed to check heart tones again and I felt overwhelmed. I started saying “I can’t. I can’t.” She said “You don’t have to do anything.” Right then my contraction stopped and I said ok.

She asked if baby’s head was out and I said no. Then I said I was having another contraction and needed to push. With that push I pushed his head out. I yelled when it came out, but it was quick. The second his head was out I got quiet and went back to my breathing.

Rebekah started to tell me that if baby wasn’t coming in about one minute she would need to check heart tones again because they were low. No one even knew that I had just birthed his head. After the birth Rebekah told me, “You did not act like you were birthing a head!” 😂

My throat was dry and raspy but I croaked out “the head is out.” She looked shocked and her and Ryan moved back behind me to check, then she smiled and said “Beautiful!” Ryan said “good job hunny!” I breathed and waited for my next contraction and whispered to myself “I’m fine. This is fine.” Rebekah told Emma that the baby’s color looked good and Ryan told me baby has a beautiful face.

Another contraction started and I started to push his shoulders out. I yelled, “Owwwww” as I pushed. Then Ryan yelled “Good job baby! You just gave birth! You did it hunny!”

There was some commotion as Rebekah helped Ryan untangle the cord that was wrapped around his chest and arm. I felt tugging and cried “Ow ow ow!” His waist and legs were not out yet. They finished untangling him, then pulled the rest of his body out. Ryan cried, “It’s a b—!” He didn’t even finish saying the word because he started crying. Rebekah told me to put my left foot up so they could pass the baby to me. Ryan didn’t want to let go of the baby, but that meant I couldn’t put my leg back down. I was super unstable so I asked to put it down and he let go. Ryan said “It’s a boy, baby!” And right when he said that Zaylor let out his first cry. ❤️

I talked to Rebekah at 5 o’clock and told her I had just started timing some contractions to see if they were becoming regular, and Zaylor made his arrival at 8:04 pm. Rebekah made it there 30 minutes before he was born, Emma 15 minutes before, and Natalia probably 5 minutes before! 😅

Natural birth