Long but worth it.

My SO and his BM dated a month or so. During their relationship my SO find out she had another bf whom she had been dating for 3 years. My SO broke off whatever they had, as anyone would. A week or two later, we met, and started dating. She writes him to say she’s pregnant. So we waited for her to update us on how far long she was. She claimed she was 3 months, which would mean she got pregnant a month before they even met. We went about our lives. Once baby is born, the apparent father wanted to take a DNA test. After a while it surfaces that he isn’t the father. She reaches out to us, requesting a test. A first, my SO resisted due to what she had said about her date. Test comes back and SO is the father. She admits to lying about the dates because she wanted the other man to be her father, and figured he wouldn’t second guess it. The next thing she says, is that if he doesn’t leave me to be with her and have a family, he won’t see his daughter. Obviously he explained to her that’s delusional, and she had no right to keep her from him. Then, her and her family ends up blocking him, me, and all his family from calling and social media. We fought for a while as much as we could to get in contact until we decided we would let her come to senses because she would need to. Up to her 1st birthday, we only saw her twice. She either wouldn’t let us have her without her being there (she knew we would decline as she tries to argue or cause a scene in front of our family), or she had something planned that just could not be moved. After her 1st birthday, mom goes off the grid again. None of her friends and family would respond to us. We had no money for court, so we decided to wait again.

Fast forward to now, we all mended broken bridges sept 2018. We had lunch and talked literally everything out. She loves that we’re married, and are ready to start our relationship with baby.

WELL.

We get baby every weekend, if not more. We noticed baby sometimes comes home in the same clothes we sent her in.

At first, we figured she was just sending our clothes back. But we noticed she would have the same underwear as well.

Baby is a toddler, so accidents happen. Well, mom had called to say she had a #2 accident. She comes to us, 2 days later with underwear that have said accident in them.

We even asked baby, “how often does mommy bathe you?” And she always responds, “she doesn’t.” We asked if we are the only ones who bathe her, and she responds with yes.

Even in pictures and videos she sends to us, she wears the same clothes throughout the week, or the first few days after the weekend.

We are writing these incidents down, but I was wondering if there is other ways we can tell if she’s bathing her? We tried asking, but she always says “of course i do, why wouldn’t I?” And gets offended.

We’re just concerned. Mom lives with many people, and baby voices how often mom leaves her in her room while adults have fun.

She lets her stay up all night, have candy instead of food. Mom doesn’t hardly cook/eat, meaning baby hardly eats.

We are relatively new to all of this, and I am not trying to say she is a bad mother or doesn’t care. We just want to make sure baby gets the care she needs when she isn’t here. Any suggestions? Sorry this is so much I’m just concerned for baby..

TTC and Step Parenting