Tomorrow I am 32 weeks.... we had a miscarriage just over a year ago, and this pregnancy has been so difficult for us. The emotional strain and fear of losing another baby, on top of normal pregnancy anxiety and throwing up for seven months??? It is a lot.

But we are close to the finish line and are just a few weeks away from meeting our sweet rainbow baby!

The last few weeks I’ve been dealing with heavy anxiety. Chest pains, shortness of breath, panic attacks etc. ( Granted, some of the shortness of breath is due to the baby crushing my lungs. )

Tonight I woke up with a very intense, crippling fear that the something was wrong. Either something is wrong with me or the baby isn’t moving enough... just something is off...I got up to go to the bathroom, get some ice chips, cool off and try to just take deep breaths and calm down.

After being awake and moving for a few minutes I figured out I was having another anxiety attack. This is the first time I woke up having one though. These things can be brutal if I dont get control of my own head and breathing.

After climbing back into bed while trying to not wake my husband, I look over at him and he is just laying there so incredibly calm. There is just something about his slow, steady breathing, heavy eyelids, messy bed head, wrapped up in the sheet, sleeping man that calmed me down.

He has been such a rock through this entire journey. I dont know what I would do without him. He is going to be such an incredible, loving, nurturing, funny, caring dad!

While I am realizing that my panic attack is leaving, my heart rate is returning to normal, and I am focusing more on the now insanely awake, wiggling child inside me, I am overwhelmed that in just a few weeks we get to meet this little one.

Thank you babe for helping calm my anxious heart without even realizing it!

💜♥️💚💗🧡💙💛❤️

Rainbow babies due September 2018