This is very long for no reason. So you don’t have to read it. I was kind of just going to put the picture and title but started typing and didn’t stop...

Haven’t really thought about it much this weekend. Until now. Hopefully I can try again real soon. I just want to hold my love forever and never let him go. I know this has been hard for him too. This miscarriage has changed me. I wanted a baby for so long and the first time I got pregnant ended in a miscarriage 😢. I just stay up at night thinking about what could be and how my life would be if my little baby was still growing inside of me. I don’t like getting on here anymore because everyone is ttc or posting bump pics. I’m jealous and it hurts. I mean much love for you ladies and I am happy for you all! You all are great support when I need it and I learn a lot from this app. I just want so bad to be apart of the mommy group and have a cute little angel to post about. I even had a dream about my little peanut right after I found out I was pregnant. I seen him right after he was born. All his hair and his little tiny self. I couldn’t wait to go to the doctor to see what the little person growing inside of my looked like. Even if he was a tiny tadpole at the moment. My heart was still so full of love for that tadpole 💕! women are so strong this was probably the hardest thing I’ve gone through in my almost 21 years of life. But man were those couple short weeks of constant sickness and being so tired worth it.. I would have done anything for my little angel to still be growing inside me💕 but now I have a angel to watch over me and make sure that his little future siblings grow big and strong. Here’s to the longest most heartbreaking week of my life. 😢 R.I.P. my little angel!

I get on here and read other people’s miscarriage stories and some make me cry and some give me hope. They talk about trying again soon and that is awesome! I’m just scared that I will be very emotional when me and my love get intimate again. I am a very intimate person and always want to do the dirty but I just feel like I might be sad. I know I’m going to rush right back into all of this and it’s not good. But I need that attention again. We cuddle and he holds me and I feel better but I need that skin to skin deep intimate love again. I just don’t know what to do with myself I guess. I mean I’m happy around everyone else but sad and overthink everything when I’m alone.

I’m sorry if you read Kk this and it was a lot. I guess I’m in acceptance in my grieving process. I didn’t even know I had this much to say. It feels so good to put it out there. Even if nobody reads all of it. I might need to get a journal 😌 but a journal wouldn’t give me feedback or help me feel better.

Another Journal Entry