******Trigger Warning *****************

Not even sure how to describe the cult that I grew up in. We really weren't associated with other families in the cult. We lived on a farm and as a cover up we called ourselves "Christian Homeschoolers" (Now please don't assume that Homeschoolers who are Christians are part of this cult because like I said that name was just a cover up). The father in the household made the money and the mother did her job of taking care of the home. It's honestly as though my parents were starting their own branch of this cult.

1. What the father says goes

2. Be terrified of the government and anyone having to do with them because they want to control everything that you do

3. Men are worth everything that's why we as women must meet all of their needs

4. Anything having to do with sex or speaking of the private areas is forbidden

5. Women who are not virgins on their wedding day are worthless pieces of crap

6. If a man in the family has needs that need to be met the women in the family must meet these needs no matter what

7. No discussing anything that goes on within the home

Anyway, these rules are kind of unspoken. So needless to say, the first time I remember being raped by my oldest brother was when I was 4.... that's the first time I remember anyway which means it was probably happening prior to that time as well. He was messing around with my half brothers daughter before I was even born. Then we moved and we believe he started messing with me when I was about 2 years old or potentially younger. I had six older brothers and everyone of them either raped me multiple times a week or they would mess with me multiple times a week. I got out of that cult when I was 16 years old. I'm still recovering because after getting out of that cult.... I was raped at 19 years old by a guy that I was sexting. Then a few more months went by and I met a guy at work who ended up raping me after he found out what my childhood was like. He used it against me and convinced me that I would be a good and submissive wife to him and we got married less than two weeks after him raping me. Also after being raped by my brothers I had a miscarriage at 13 years old after finding out I was pregnant and they beat the crap out of me so that I would miscarry. I named my baby Alex because it means "defender of men." I don't know if Alex was a girl or boy because it was to early for me to tell.

I thank God that my now fiance isn't at all like any of these guys I grew up with or had to deal with in my adult life. He will stop in the middle of sex if he even half feels like I'm maybe not fully in the mood. He will stop and we will just talk for the rest of the night. He has been so patient with me and is constantly helping me through this daily struggle. He is the most amazing man I've ever met and never in my entire life could I have imagined that a man like this existed let alone that I would be blessed to call him mine.

Thanks for reading my story

Cult Survivors