Psa- please before reading no judgement I'm going thru it rn sis.

I'm not sure what it is anymore. I wake up and feel sad and it takes me forever to start my day. I was ready to wait a million years to be yours. This is Enrique. Throughout our relationship we had several breaks and he would always leave me for other girls. Well these past few months I had been seeing this guy and he had been seeing this girl named kristee. They talked ONLINE for about 2 weeks. Keep in mind Enrique would still call and text me and want to see me. We had been engaged. About to run off and get married. Well . Him and kristee finally met for like a week and only because enriques parents were out of town . And on June 26th 2019 the love of my life over dosed on oxy cotin dying that morning.

I loved this man . Always 100% . My heart aches for him every night. The direct day after kristee tells everyone she's pregnant. I feel flustered and as if something isnt right. It hadn't even been a week since she left his home. Me being who I was raised to be and all well knowing I still was and would always be enriques girl I texted kristee. Sweetly . I checked on her. Made sure she was okay. Tried to explain to her that Enrique was always going drugs . Tried to tell her how he was how he constantly cheated. I never truly minded when Enrique cheated on me. Half the time i was depressed and taking multiple pills every day as a way to escape . Back to the story!

This kristee girl. No matter how sweet I was to her. Has had several people text me sending me nasty messages basically telling me Enrique didnt love me. She's texted all of his friends trying to get them to turn against me making me look like a bad person and taking shit . When in all honesty I just want to be alone

I've asked several times to be left alone. Only enriques closest friends really knew me and Enrique.. I just cant seem to grasp onto the fact that hes gone. I cant put on any of his t shirts without feeling like my heart has been crushed. It feels as if the worlds run out of oxygen. There was nothing in this world I wouldn't have done to save him.

I wish nothing more then to hold him at night. The thing is. That before Enrique died I had called him crying. I was telling him something and he started crying too and talking softly with me. He said that the empty spot in the bed would always be his and that he still wanted to get married and have children. He said he just wanted me to go experience life a little more . Go explore but what he told me is what's tearing me apart right now. He said that whenever i decided i was finally ready for all of that that hed drop everything and hed be ready too and that breaks my heart into a million pieces because I'm now forever waiting for someone to come home and I know he won't ever come home.. I had the chance before he died to go see him. Sleep next to him. And when he asked me if i missed him i told him no. I always put on a brave face . To show i wasn't hurting. Even though i was. Some days it's hard to move from bed. Even harder to take care of myself. I had a million things left to say to my baby. And I'll never get to say them. Keep on praying and hoping the hole in my heart is to be healed . Because without my bear I feel I am nothing.

Just want my baby home.

The Widows Room