Gaslighting -

This happens when teens are honest about their emotions, mental health, or is acting out. It takes a lot for us to be honest with our parents about the way we feel. Some teens act out as a cry for help .

Phrases that aren’t helpful that make us feel like we can’t be honest with you:

- “Well I guess I’m just a bad parent.”

Stop making it about you. We can’t help the way we feel don’t make us feel guilty for it.

- “How can you feel/act this way after all I’ve done for you?”

Again it’s not about you. Don’t make us feel guilty for being your responsibility.

- “Your being sensitive/Dramatic”

For the last time, we cannot help the way we feel, stop guilt tripping us.

Phrases that ARE helpful:

- “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, how can I use my words more sensitively?”

Validates our emotions.

- “Sorry you feel that way, but you’re still responsible for your chores, grades, etc so you’re still being punished.”

It’s absolutely your right to do discipline, but avoid gaslighting when doing so.

Name calling.

Believe it or not, us teens absolutely internalize what you say. Either we’ll believe it more and more, or we’ll push you away to try and stop believing what you’re calling us.

Harmful phrases

- “You’re so disgusting. I can’t believe you live like this!”

Our rooms are often reflections of our mental health. If you call us disgusting or sloppy we’ll believe it, but it’s not going to motivate us to clean it.

- “You’re being a bitch, dick, asshole etc.”

We’ll either just believe we are those things, or we’ll try to reflect it back on to you and start to resent you as parents.

Helpful phrases:

- “Hey, you’re rooms really messy and I’m concern about you living in that space I’d like you to clean it up.” (Again you’re still allowed to punish them but leave our name calling.)

Showing concern is helpful for us who are struggling to function and stay clean, it’s also a more healthy approach bc we don’t have to think of ourselves as gross or disgusting.

- “I don’t like your behavior.”

Just please leave name calling out.

Body shaming

It’s inevitable for us teens to feel like shit about our bodies, please don’t be apart of the problem.

Harmful things:

- *Pointing out/picking at our acne*

We’re already obsessing over it, leave it alone.

- “If you didn’t eat all that greasy food you wouldn’t have acne.”

This literally isn’t true. Unless they’re rubbing that pizza all over their face their diet isn’t going to do shit. The acne is hormonal.

- “That outfit isn’t flattering on you.”

Any phrase that teaches us to be obsessed with how are body looks is harmful.

- “I noticed you’ve been gaining/loosing weight. Eat more/less.”

Don’t be so objective about our weight. It’s not as simple as eating more/less.

Helpful things:

- Compliments

It’s hard for us to like ourselves, so doing the heavy lifting and reinforcing positive thoughts can help us do it for ourselves.

- Promoting self love

Everyone is entitled to self love, don’t make it something they only get to have after they fix their weight/acne.

- “I’ve noticed you’ve been gaining/loosing weight. Why do you think that is? How can I help”

If you notice a problem with your teens weight you should make sure it’s not a result of a mental/physical health issue. But still reinforce positive self image.

I’m 15 btw. Hope this was helpful!

Parents of teenagers (support group!)