I’m really having a hard time this morning. So last night I was scrolling through Snapchat stories and I come across my ex who is also my son‘s father. He had posted a pan full of nachos that said his and hers. I had no idea that he was even seeing somebody. Him seeing somebody is not the issue. My issue is the fact that he has told our son to keep this relationship a secret from me until he had the opportunity to tell me. Which is really what has me conflicted because when I asked my son this morning if his dad had a girlfriend he said no and then when he came clean he started to cry because he didn’t know whether he should tell the truth or keep his dad secret.

What also has me upset is that my son hasn’t seen his dad in a month and this Labor Day weekend was his first time being back at his dads because his dad has been gone for military training. My sons dad is set to deploy sometime within the next couple months and he will be gone for a year but before he ships out overseas he will be gone to Texas for two months. So another issue I have is that because this is my son’s first weekend back at his dads and trying to get back into a somewhat normal schedule this woman stayed the night.

I’m so extremely hurt and discouraged because I know that when I confront my acts about this issue that he is telling my son to keep secrets from me it’s going to turn into a blowout and it gives me so much anxiety because we honestly, from what I thought, I’ve been in a really good coparenting relationship.

In the beginning of summer, my ex was talking to a different girl who wanted nothing to do with meeting our son until she met me and of course it didn’t work out I’m assuming because she realized what she was getting into with a single dad who is going to be gone for a year.

My heart broke this morning just seeing my son upset and worried about getting in trouble for lying about the situation because he honestly didn’t know what to do. He didn’t get in trouble and I feel like this was kind of a touchy subject because he’s always been told “we don’t lie” But he’s also trying to respect his dad’s wishes of not telling me.

I’m really trying hard to approach this situation with a level head but how is my child expected to respect his mother when he’s being told to keep secrets? I want my ex to find somebody who will benefit his life in ways that I couldn’t and I want somebody who is going to be a great example for my son when I’m not around. I want all of the good things for my ex but he truly isn’t a relationship kind of person, things might go good for a couple months or maybe a year and then women find out how he truly acts and nine times out of 10 it’s him cheating on his girlfriend and trying to cheat on them with me (won’t happen). Just a couple weeks ago he asked me on a date when he comes back from deployment.

In my son‘s eyes, his dad does no wrong. I really just don’t know what to do. Do I have a right to feel this way and be upset that my coparent is telling my son to keep secrets for me or should I just let it go.

Also I want to add that every single time my ex has gotten into a relationship, despite our agreement, he always introduces these women to our child without them having to meet me first. It always seems like I find out about these girls not from honesty and him coming to me and saying, “I am in a relationship now I would really like you to meet her”

Coparenting