Anxiety and secondary infertility F U. YOU win. I gave up today. I give up on every single bit of f ING hope I ever had because there's no hope left. I don't ovulate. Yet Dr says there's nothing wrong. I don't have periods they turn up any time they choose-57 days here 78 days there-yet GP says nothing wrong with me. Maybe it's because I'm fat.....well yeah I'm certainly overweight at 5'8 and 263lbs. My bmi way over the ideal 25 at 39 and no fertility Dr in the UK looks at u unless ur bmi is 30 or below for minimum of 6months. I can't loose weight-I've tried everything. I loose couple of stones then pile it on plus more. I have a child aged 11 I'm grateful for. Though there's a huge whole in my heart from going through that pregnancy and labour all alone. I had no one to share it with. Now I have i can't do what all my friends do on a Friday night and just fall pregnant.

I cannot afford private fertility, I'm too obese for NHS and have had a child, I can't fall pregnant as don't even have a period most months.

So I quit. I'm leaving my biggest dream of a sibling for my girl as a dream. I'm more depressed than ever. I see sex as a baby making opportunity and nothing else anymore. I don't even wanna do that because I feel devastated it won't lead to a baby. Everything has gone. I hate myself I hate what this bullshit trying has turnt me into. I hate who I've become. I hate life. It so f ING hard.