I hate my body

I am really tired of being not pregnant. I hate it and if i have to ill find a way to get Clomid my any means necessary. The kids i do have were stolen from me and i was robbed of raising them now ttc over a year with 2 chemicals. Not having another baby is not an option for me because i don't want to miss out on the milestones. I want nothing to do with being single without raising a child and if my man leaves me before i become pregnant i will destroy his new girls life. Why should some whore be happy with the man i want and the only thing that will stop me from hurting her is getting pregant i have nothing to lose otherwise. I don't understand why i haven't had a baby after ttc since Jan 2015 and i hate it and want nothing to do with being single without raising kids . I hate my body i dont want nothing to do with being not pregnant. I have so much rage bc of this i know ill hurt someone bad if something doesn't change and i mean it. I want nothing to do with single life without kids my mind is set i wont do it. Rant over