Just feeling a little hopeless. I was a carefree 26 year old. I was worried about making money, going out, and having fun. I went to the dermatologist one day to have some weird bumps removed from my back and leg. They were really painful when disturbed or if touched by hot or cold.

About 3 weeks after the minor surgery to remove them, the nurse called and said that I needed to see my gynocologist immediately. The bumps turned out to be cutaneous leiomyomatosis, a symptom of reeds syndrome. The problem with Reeds syndrome, is it cause uterine fibroids. So I go and deliver the news to my gynocologist, amd we do an ultrasound. There are fibroids present. She advises that I will need a hysterectomy in about 5 years, and she told me to start looking at finding a boyfriend that wants kids, if I want kids.

So I got started. I wanted someone to be serious about, but i hadnt ever really been serious about finding that person. I signed up for any and all online dating sites, I went on blind dates, and I started hanging out at book stores and coffee shops. Well, I met the man of my dreams. And we fell instantly in love. It's truly a storybook romance. Since I had been honest with him about my condition, we got started immediately ttc.

After a year of trying, even with clomid, we were referred to fertility. They found the cause, my fibroids had grown. I had 6 fibroids ranging in size of 4cm to 14cm. To put this in perspective a uterus is about 8cm to 12 cm. They told me I needed surgery to remove them.

I had surgery in May of 2015, and all fibroids were removed. And by July of 2015, I got my bfp! We were over the moon!

In January, I went to the hospital thinking I had a UTI, only to find that I was in preterm labor, and my water had been broken for a few weeks and was just leaking out. On January 18th, at 28 weeks, Sebastion Zachary was born. He got an infection called Necrotizing Enterocolitis and passed away January 31st. We are heartbroken.

I went to the doctor this week, because we are ttc again. We did an ultrasound to check on my uterus, and my fibroids. They're back. 5 fibroids are back. In less than a year. They are smaller in size but the biggest is already 5.5cm. My doc prescribed clomid, and said I may need surgery again. 😢

I was clinging on the hope that I caught my lh surge this month, and felt my ovulation, but I went to the bathroom and I'm spotting. Af is coming.

I don't know how much more I can do. I have been fighting for so long for a baby, and it seems like I take one step forward, and two steps back. I just need a break. Not a fake break, like where I find the love of my life, but can't get pregnant, or I get pregnant but the baby doesn't live. I need a real break. I need a win. I don't know how much longer I can keep pushing, but I know in 10 years I'll look back and thank myself for fighting. I'm 30, and my 5 year time limit is almost up.