I lost my baby

Bianca
I can say that now. 
I couldn't accept it until now. 
My first "rainbow baby" joined its sibling on April 15th. 
I guess I'd convinced my body that it was stil pregnant. Convinced my mind that they'd find it when I got an ultrasound for pelvic pain today. But I'm clear. Cleared out. 
I try to keep a strong face. I have since it happened. But I'm sitting in my car bawling my eyes out. I don't know if I want to do this again. I haven't cried since it happened. Now? I'm a mess all over again.