Long; mother acts like SO isn't a part of my life
I'm 22 in a month, I've been with my SO since I was 17, and my mother still acts like we aren't an item. We are having a baby, we are going to be getting married soon, we've been together for almost five years and she still doesn't act like he is a permanent part of my life. I'm moving out of her house and into his this week and it's a 1,300 mile move and she is acting like I'm going to be visiting once a week or something. She won't even use his name, just calls him Mina's special guy friend, and he is flying up to help me move everything and drive. I'm packing my books and last minute things since we load up the car tomorrow night and she was like you don't need your books, you don't need all of your clothes, you don't need to bring all of xyz, you can make multiple trips. I'm not making multiple trips. It's a 2 day 9-12 hour each day drive. It's bad enough that when she found out that I'm pregnant she and my sister tried to make plans for me and my baby without talking to me or thinking my SO would be part of it at all. My sister was like oh I can babysit while she's working and she can live with mom, etc. I think it's great they care, but they don't seem to recognize that 1. I'm an adult who is making my own family, and 2. My SO is so excited to be a dad, why would he not be involved at all?
I'm just so frustrated. My mother wasn't a good parent with me and my siblings. She had an affair and left my dad for her boyfriend when I was three and then didn't even try to see or speak to us the entire time. Growing up she would forget we existed unless she got to brag about our achievements or how pretty she thought we were. She would go 6-9 months without talking to me and didn't care about it. I didn't want her involved when I had kids and I've told people that for years, literally since I was 12. She tries to pretend she was a good mother and tries to take credit for things my step mother or my dads girlfriends did for us when we were growing up. I'm just so sick of her trying to parent me and act like I'm a child when she never even tried when I was a child. She forgets that I'm almost 22, and thinks of me as a 16 year old still even though I've been basically entirely finacially independent since I was 18(buy my own food, phone bills, car insurance, education, clothes, literally everything but water and rent). I moved in with her when I turned 18 because I needed to qualify for in state tuition, she was deemed unfit to raise children by the state of NY back in '98.
I'm just so frustrated by all of this and her trying to act like I'm a 15 year old who can't do anything or make choices without her. She didn't want to be a parent when I was a kid, and I don't feel like she should be allowed to try and parent and control me as an adult. Especially when she is being so disrespectful to my SO and our choices as a family. She even went as far as to say, "what if you decide you don't like him anymore when you live with him?" Well we would work it out, we are having a baby not adopting a cat. You work things out when you have kids together and when you're in a relationship. I'm not like her, I wouldn't cheat, I wouldn't abandon my family, and I most certainly wouldn't stop speaking to my children because I forget about them.
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