I'm going crazy...(warning: very long read!)
My brain is literally screaming help and my heart is even more...let me start by saying in the past I've experienced two miscarriages, one I'm about 98% sure something was wrong because I was on pain killers from a surgery along with antibiotics at the time I'm assuming was conception because my birth control was supposed to prevent pregnancy....anyway I managed to talk myself through the pain of both experiences due to the fact that I'm no longer with the male that was in my life at the time, moving forward to current day my boyfriend and I have been together for close to 4 years, our relationship is great I couldn't ask for a better man. We both talked about children and we are on the same page so in January I decided that I wasn't going to take birth control anymore..once April came around we decided no more condoms or any other unpredictable methods of preventing a pregnancy. We weren't religiously going at it or anything during ovulation trying to make sure something happened, but we had the mindset of it happens it happens. Fast forward to the last two weeks my cousin announces she's having her second child, I'm so jealous, but hopeful that maybe I can get pregnant and hopefully not have to experience a miscarriage again or have any problems. AF was supposed to be here 6/5, ovulation date was 5/22, I'm late...I got excited and I tested 6/2 just to see and bfn. I promised myself to wait until 6/6 to retest and again bfn. Or at least I think, I think I'm just wanting the lines so bad I'm making myself see them. I don't want to cry, but I feel defeated...I know there are some of you who have been trying for such a long time and in comparison I'm just a drop to your puddle, but I'm scared that I can't keep a pregnancy full term or that I'm going to be a statistic and add to the numbers of women that have trouble conceiving 😢 this is the man I want to spend my entire life with, I just wanted this to happen..my plan was to tell him on Father's Day if I was. Which I really felt like I was I experience period symptoms a week before such as acne etc and I've had 0! My period is regular and AF always shows on the projected date in the morning because I wake up from cramping...I'm late, I just don't understand. Below are pictures of my results...I know I need to stop looking at them, but it's a hard pill to swallow.