Ever since I graduated high school, I have been suffering with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, self harm, the works. I have recovered from the last two thankfully. I am scared however to show my family my belly once my baby bump gets really big because I know my scars will be really visible and they dont know what I was physically doing to my body every day.

Unfortunately, however, anxiety still affects me on a daily basis whether it be in a very small way or a very significant one.

I found out I was 12 weeks pregnant on May 2nd.

I was reading my journal and apparently about a month before, I had one of those suffocating, middle of the night anxiety attacks and like always, I resort to writig it out.

The words I wrote were "I just prayed and ceied. Asking/pleading God over and over again to show me that I am special to someone. Anyone. Show me that I mean something and that I have a purpose"

Man.. reading those words now breaks my heart. I am very special. I hava a man who would do anything for me. I have family that love me and want me to be happy.

What reallg blew my mind though.. is that during that time.. I kept wondering why I kept feelig that way. Why I was so tired all the time. Why I was so emotionally u stable all the time. Moody, worrying, picky. I had no idea what was going on with me and thought something was wrong and started contemplating going back to anxiety meds after doing so well for so long without them!

But I was pregnant... that whole time. I didnt feel it or know it then.. but I was pregnant! Haha now I laugh because it all makes sense!

I do mean something. I DO have a purpose!! To be a momma!! To be a mom and a wife and happy and complete!

I am just so happy right now. All the sudden, everything makes sense and has been put into perspective for me.

I feel very lifted and new 😊😊😊😊😊😊