I just needed a place to share my feelings, a letter I can't send.

You don't realize what you did. You don't realize the price I am now having to pay. It was a small thing to do to break a big trust, but it was broken nonetheless. I can't put the pieces back together, just like I couldn't put the pieces of your story and excuses together. Every day it hurts me, every day it makes me doubt. I doubt you, I doubt us. I question the strength of our love. Do we have anything together, besides another small sweet life? He is the perfect mix of the best parts of us, how could we not give our best to each other, for him? Every day I smile and say I'm ok, I say nothing is wrong. I guess I am no better than you when I tell those lies. You have promised me your love, you have promised me you, forever. It's strange to know that you love me, but to also know something is wrong. Something is missing. The truth is missing. You gave me part truth, but I want it all. Just like I want all of you. But you are both out of my reach and I don't know what to do. I hate living with this doubt, this fear that was created the day I found those words. Now I question everything. I question why you're quiet, I wonder if anyone else is on your mind. I wonder if her number is disguised. I wonder what other lies are hidden. I wonder if I really am dumb and naive. I wonder if I'm just the problem, if I need to let go and trust. It's so hard. I don't have the answers I want. You say I have all the answers, that you told me everything. I don't believe you. Can I live with that? I don't know. I do know I don't want to live without you. But I will never share you, any part of you. Now I'm angry again, as I always am when I think about what you told her. It's your fault I feel this way. Your fault I feel so disconnected and lonely. I have always deserved better. I love you, I hate this. This is on you.