Lost .

I have no one and no where to turn to anymore. I've been through the it all, mental hospitals, talking, counseling, pills, nothing is helping. I have tried everything you can think of to be happy. I overthink. I have a huge heart, I care about what everyone has to say. I'm negative. I try to turn it around. I try to be positive. Mostly on the floor debating whether to slit my wrists again or not. And I don't want to go back down that road. I've been fighting. I'm just tired. I'm so fucking broken. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm wasting time. It's useless. It's pointless. I want to sleep forever. I'm trying and doing my best to find the beautiful and the light in this life that everyone else sees. I truly am, yet I always end up in the same situation no matter how hard I fight it. I want to find hope and self love. Believe me, I'm trying. I hate that it's Father's Day and here I am going on about my problems. Selfish. I'm just so lost and confused.