I've been a good girl no drinking partying or anything for over a year because i'm ttc but I've had no luck

The doctor says everything is all good but it haven't happen yet😪😭

So im done trying I'm tired and my birthday is Thursday cD6 and guess what i'm going to party so hard ,i'm going to have me a few drinks,dance the night away I might even smoke a blunt hell i need it

I never thought ttc will be so hard after having my daughter 12 years ago without even trying but hey that's life I promise i'm not going to cry anymore from ttc its time to get my life back