Celebrate Celibacy or Dedicate to Desire?
For a little background, I am a divorced 37 year old mother. Due to content, I feel the need to add that I am Catholic and extremely serious about my faith. My "boyfriend", who I only see when my children are visiting their dad, is an atheist, twice divorced, keeps pictures of other women on his phone, but is the best lover I've ever had. I know, girl must not be so serious!!!
We all know how it is as women to get lost in a tailspin of lust. After getting to know this guy, he has turned out to be a good friend despite what I see as deficiencies as a boyfriend, which he only today to labeled himself. I have a ton of my own deficiencies.
As a woman, I've dealt with a great deal during my divorce. I'm raising men and just feel the time is not right to bring a man into my home and expose my children to a man who may or may not stay in the picture. I'm not a woman that needs a man. I am human. I do like my "boyfriend's" company very much. The pictures on his phone are his business as long as I am not included! Won't say it helps me feel special!!!
I am questioning whether or not to devote myself to a spiritual life which excludes sex until God sends the right man. My friend tells me to stop going to extremes and allow myself to be human. Part of me feels he's right. Another part of me is sad, because even though I've obviously had sex, I want to suppress my sexuality for my spiritual purposes. I am not lying to myself thinking he is gonna stick around when he loses benefits. I'll miss him both physically and emotionally.
I also know that ultimately this decision is mine. Everyone will have a different opinion but I would like to hear them. Please note that I emphasize that I am Catholic because we view unmarried sex as a sin. I mention his atheism to contrast our views and because he might not like to have anyone imply anything else.
Okay ladies, celebrate celibacy or dedicate to desire?
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