I've been defeated. 😞

I have been up and down these past couple of months. I work of course just like any ordinary woman, I'm not to stressed my job is pretty steady. So my husband and I have been TTC for 8 months, every month is so disappointing, but this month June there was something that felt right, I was suppose to get my period June 9th (at least that's what this glow app says.) last month I got my period May 7th.... Anyways... June 9th came buy nothing... 11th nothing, 14th nothing, 16th nothing, so I'm a week late... I took 2 first response tests and I got vvvvfl's I was sooooo happy! I thought this is it. So I decided to make an appointment to go see my doctor since I was so sure I was, I was a week late, super sore breasts, nauseous, back pain, headaches, everything. I tell my husband that i got a faint positive and he got sooo happy! And he went with me to the appointment , my doctor took a test and it came back negative ... I was very disappointed but she said not to worry that if AF doesn't show up on Tuesday to call her and we will make an appointment for an ultrasound.... So we left pretty sad but in the back of our heads we thought maybe my hormones aren't high enough yet. So we waited.... It's FATHERS DAY! so I thought you know what I'll take one and see if it got darker, I took a first response one and it came back darker! OMG I WAS SO HAPPY! I went out and bought this little shirt to suprise my husband! I called my doctor Monday morning and told her that AF still was not here and wanted toschedule the ultrasound (because I was soo sure I was) so my husband took the day off and came with me on Tuesday I was so nervous.... So she came in asked me a couple of questions & we got started ... The silence seemed forever until she looked over at me and said "there's nothing there." I was all like umm are you sure? She said yeah you are not pregnant. & I told her but what about these pregnancy tests that I took? I don't understand? Why would they say positive? She said "maybe stress?" My heart broke instantly... My husbands face was just sad.... As soon as I got home I really had to pee and I couldn't stop crying.... I wipe and BOOM AF SHOWS UP! I got soooo pissed and mad , I just lost it. How can this be happening to me? Why me? Why do I feel like I'm being punished? I don't understand. I'm mad at myself. So it has been a week since that happened and I've been ignoring my husband and not wanting to have sex, I'm just so destroyed emotionally that I don't think I can do this. My husband says "God has a plan for us." But I don't think motherhood is meant for me.