Around Christmas time, my boyfriend of three years called me one morning and asked if he could come over. I was like "Yeah! But I really don't want to do anything but hang out." And he was like oh that's fine! So he came over, and we were laying in bed and watching tv, then all of a sudden he started kissing me. I kissed him back, but he started to get really into it and I just wanted to cuddle and talk and stuff. I kind of pushed him off, but he pulled a condom out of his wallet. At this point I was freaking out inside. I told him that I wasn't in the mood and that I didn't want to, and he said "It'll be fine" and started to put it on. Then I said "I don't want to" and I sat up to move, but he put it in anyways and just went for it. It was the weirdest thing because it hurt so badly (probably because everything was dry down there) and the whole time I was just trying not to cry. When he finished, I was really disgusted by him and I didn't even want him to touch me. Then I did cry and he seemed like he felt bad but he acted like he didn't know why I was crying. After a little while I went to the bathroom and everything just hurt and I just felt really gross and bad. I tried to talk to him about it, but I just didn't know what to say so I asked him to leave. After that, I drove to my friend's house and I just remembered that I cried the whole drive over there. Then when I got there, I found out my boyfriend was coming too and I seriously felt like I couldn't breathe. Then the whole night he couldn't even look me in the eye and I was legitimately afraid of him and we didn't speak for a solid two weeks. I don't want to accuse him of anything, but would that be considered rape?