Guilty 🙁

I feel so guilty tonight. Guilty for not having enough patience with my almost 2 year old. Guilty for wanting to strangle my hubby. Guilty for reading an article earlier that said my baby may recognize my voice and I haven't really thought to actually "talk" to her this whole pregnancy.

I want to cry but then I'll probably just end up feeling guilty about that too. It was my choice to have a baby so close to my first and I was convinced it would be a boy, like my first. (Hubby has 2 brothers and his whole side of family is boys) I thought being a boy mom would be much easier and given I have nothing to compare it to I guess it is. Until now. I'm training him to sleep in a toddler bed, he's being as adventurous as ever and I feel so bad that I'm unsure about having a girl.

I feel like I can deal much better with penises and fart noises than tampons and makeup. I barely wear makeup as it is. And now I'm going to have to be a role model for a young girl in a world full of self esteem issues when I have tons of my own.

Look, I'm so happy to be having a healthy baby and I hope she stays that way...but I can't help but feel GUILTY. It's exhausting. And impractical and irrational but totally feeling it still.

Someone please tell me this gets better. I was going to say this wasn't a pity party but I think it is. Just need to vent.