My grandma passed away on Tuesday night and I'm having a rough time dealing with it. It's been about 7 years since I seen her and we only talked briefly. She is my dads mom and my dad and I have had virtually no relationship until about 2 years ago and even now our relationship only consists of a phone call every couple of months. Because of that I never really felt like I belonged on that side of the family and kept my distance, they did the same although I'm not sure why they never reached out to me. I loved my grandma dearly and am having trouble dealing with the fact that I didn't take the initiative to have a relationship with her, and now it's to late. I feel like I can't forgive myself for it. On top of that she decided she doesn't want any sort of funeral service at all. I feel like she took away my ability to say a proper good bye to her with her decision. I feel kind of angry at her for that. And angry at myself for being a terrible grand daughter to her. I just needed to get that off my chest.