Just need to vent

I'm so overwhelmed with ttc. Have been actively trying since January but had to wait until then so we could get our loans paid down first. I'm about to cry but I have to leave for work soon so trying not to. It just seems like there's been SO many people coming into my work getting balloons for gender reveals lately and each one seems like a stab in the gut. I'm just so ready to be a stay at home mom. That's all I've ever wanted but for some reason it's not happening and I don't understand why. If you've read this far I sincerely thank you. We haven't told anyone we're ttc so I don't have anyone to talk to. None of my friends would understand because they either don't want kids yet or got pregnant without trying. And my parents want grandkids so bad and I don't want to get their hopes up and I definitely don't want them to feel the way I do every month when af comes. 💔