Smoking; my silent killer

My baby girl will be 2 months on the 16th. A thought i am super excited about but also extremely sad. Shes growing up and thats something I have to get used too. But theres something else right now thats making me hurt. A little back log. When i found out I was pregnant i quit smoking that day. I did well for 9 months and had her at 40 weeks and 3 days via emergancy C-section. She had to be im the NICU and I got discharged without her. It broke my heart, i broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes. I smoke outside when shes sleeping and I wear a smoking jacket to protect her from 3rd hand smoke. I wash my hand and pop a breath mint. But its a vicious cycle. I go out, i feel guilty which makes me sad which makes me want to smoke. It constantly loops over and over. I know I have to quit. I need too. I want too. Its just so hard. I want to be there for my baby.