Missed miscarriage twice

So on Monday 11th July 16, my husband and I went to have our first dating scan, we were so excited due to we were ttc for nearly 2yrs. I was meant to be 13wks only to find out the baby on the screen had no heart beat ♥ and died at 9weeks, I had no feeling I love at the baby no pain no bleeding my boobs were still sore and I started to show a small bump, I just couldn't believe it it's dead.

When we went home we drank 1/2 bottle of whisky straight and smoked. I had to let every emotional feeling I had out. I didn't want to stay in my room, so we stayed in the garden.

The both of us were and still is heart broken we thought finally we are gonna have a little person in our lives. I decided to have it removed the next day, as I didn't want it in my tummy if for 3wks it's been died inside of me and didn't want to leave me. And i didn't wanted it to leave me either.

I had the opt which I went in the morning and left the hospital I'm the afternoon. Go in with a baby in my tummy and leave with no baby.

I had some bleeding and the next day too but not a crazy amount it's now the second day after the opt, I feel better I can walk around slowly but I have completely stopped bleeding.

This is now the second baby I lost. The first was at 6weeks but I didn't even get a chance to go to doctors it all happened at home.

This time is different. I kept saying it's all my fault but I'm just gonna try harder the next time. I'v been reading

Royal jelly tablets

Bee pollen tablets

Are good so is sage tea and red raspberry tea.

I hate herbal teas but I will change I try if this helps my eggs.

Im also gonna exercise more and try drink more water, and be healthier... For my baby, i made it a promise and now I'm keeping it.

Im just scared what if this happens again?

Should I even tell my husband that if I become pregnant again?

Should I wait until the scan then show him?

I'v been searching for answers in how I can stop this horrible thing from happening again.

The only thing I can change is me.

And i need to stay strong today I feel stronger.

I can still feel pain on the lower tum area at times and it feels sore down there at times. I just feel tried.

The worse thing too, we got married a month ago and told everyone in our speak and now it's gone, I just started a new job too and they knew I was pregnant and now my seconds week i'v taken an extra three days off I feel so embarrassed.

The one thing tho is I have an amazing hub, his been so good and looking after me.even taking me to the bathroom and waiting outside it. His a sweetheart. I know no one can have everything prefect but if we had a baby or babies it be prefect, we both was to be parents so badly.

He said his gonna buy us a puppy, one of his friends told him if you have a puppy the girl gets pregnant quicker something to do with she not as stressed thinking about pregnancy all the time. That's one problem I have I can't switch my mind off.