Words from my Husband!

Dear Glow family,

 

This is Pat, Antonia’s husband.  When Antonia stumbled upon Glow and showed me this amazing app a few months ago, I encouraged her to share her experience with those in similar situations.  We were taught that whatever is it that we want, we need to first help others have it:  want to have a baby?  Help others become parents!

 

As Antonia had shared, we just received result for our 4th IVF, and it was negative.  We were disappointed, but the negative emotions were not overwhelming and only lasted a short while.  We feel so blessed to not only have the resources to have IVF’s, but also to learn much from the process.  With each attempt, we reflected on what it means to be parents, and how we can prepare ourselves for this precious and sacred responsibility.

 

When we started our journey towards parenthood, I thought it would take no more than 4 to 6 months to yield results!  Not only was I impatient when the process was taking longer, but I also was upset by how much money and time we poured into the effort.  Instead of feeling grateful towards our supportive family, friends, and the dedicated, skillful medical team, I complained about high cost and lack of results.  I had just enough EQ to keep most of these thoughts to myself, but Antonia endured my whirling “black clouds” and “long face”!

 

Thankfully, with each IVF attempt, I became less concerned with having results.  The journey taught us that everything has a bright side, and with each step we developed appreciation for our very blessed life.  We focused less on ourselves and found ways to support others.  Surprisingly, the longer-than-expected road to parenthood made us healthier, both physically and mentally!

 

One thing we started doing is collecting materials on good parenting practices.  I was particularly struck by a discussion on qualities to cultivate in our children, and in ourselves:

 

• Kindness


• Rejoicing (be happy about other people’s happiness.  The opposite of jealousy)


• Patience


• Forgiveness


• Apologizing


• Contentment


• Courage


 

Before we started the IVF’s, I did not value these qualities.  I thought it was more important for my children to be hardworking, smart, good-looking, and successful (like their dad!).  Qualities such as kindness, rejoicing, and patience were nice to have, but certainly not essential:  “I did pretty well with just a bit of these qualities; why would my kids need to cultivate them?”  After going through four rounds of IVF, with more in coming months, I now understand why these qualities are of far greater importance:  they are the foundation for a meaningful existence.  These qualities focus on benefiting others, not just on ourselves.  Without these qualities, the Glow community would not exist, and Antonia and I would be struggling on our own. 

 

Whether we ultimately become parents is not within our control, but we can choose to become kind, joyous, and patient people. 

 

Thank you for inspiring and supporting us, and may we all glow joyously to brighten the lives of others.  Keep glowing!