Today, I fucked up
I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible because the actual details of the story would make this pages long.
Longer than this post lol
Excuse the writing errors.
After 3 months, I finally mustered up the courage to break up with my boyfriend.
He constantly brought up my past with other guys & always made himself the victim.
He was cheated on, so I'm sure that influenced things.
He never acknowledged how bad it made me feel when he would question me about my loyalty or how much I liked him.
I didn't before because I liked his good side & thought I could overcome his bad side, but after another round of questioning I just couldn't do it anymore.
I think I was afraid deep inside that I wouldn't find anyone else like him (his good side) & bc of that, I just kept trying to make it work.
I wanted to do it in person, but he insisted that I just say it all over the phone.
I tried to end it peacefully, or as peacefully as this could've ended, but it backfired so much.
I ended up getting frustrated because we started arguing.
He kept saying how unfair this was, as he always did, then he hung up because he said his phone died.
Basically... I thought he purposely hung up & I ended up being a total bitch & called him a name that I really shouldn't have.
I meant to send the text to a different person, but my dumbass sent it to him without even double checking to see who I was sending it to.
I realized what I did, stopped & looked at my horrible message.
I started writing up an apology about what a bitch I just was then he called me back before I finished writing it...
Then I erased the apology & the breakup ended with him saying how he feels so glad that he knows the "real me".
That he doesn't even feel bad about all of this anymore.
I feel so disappointed in myself for being such a bitch.
I feel so upset that he's going to go back to his family, who treated me so kindly, & im going to be forever marked as a bitch in their eyes.
I don't even know why I did what I did.
I feel so so upset at myself.
I'm not looking for pity. I just feel so upset at myself & I just don't even know why I did that.
I'm disappointed because I thought I'd be a bigger person than that.
I wanted to end this on a way better note than it did.
I wanted to end it as the girl he was starting to fall in love with
and I failed.
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