Is this fair?

Question

My boyfriend only wants to try for a baby if he gets deployed. If he doesn't he wants to wait ! Am I crazy to get mad! Plus I don't want to be pregnant alone! Smh I'm so confused and don't know how to coop. Been so emotional lately and angry. Any advice or feed back would help thank you.

Accepted Answer

Maybe he's thinking about the worst outcome of him being deployed, and he wants to make sure his genetics are passed on.

Answer

Well here's the thing. The military doesn't really care about anything other than children & spouses (parents if none of those exist). Also, being deployed is scary; you leave EVERYTHING back home because the military needs you and you're always worried you won't make it back.

Those things coupled together leads me to believe he wants to give you a piece of him before he leaves.

You guys need to sit down, talk it all out, and constantly reframe.

I don't think this situation is about fair or not but two people who really need to understand each other.

Answer

Have you ever thought he may not want to miss the birth? If he deploys while you are pregnant then he will most likely be home for the birth, depending on the length of deployment. Maybe he wants to be there for baby's first few months. You should talk more with him before getting defensive.

Answer

Hey! I understand my husband is in the army and deploys June 2017. Before we found that out we both discussed wanting to try and see what happens. You never know how long it's going to take. I would just make sure you both want a baby for the same reason :) it's hard being an army wife but it also takes someone strong to go through it...you got this!!

Answer

It's not fair to ask you to do it all by yourself.

Answer

Ummm... Sry, that sounds weird. He only wants you to get pregnant if he gets deployed? The first thought that popped into my mind is because he might be afraid you'd cheat, but if you're pregnant, not a lot of guys go for that kind of thing... 😐

Answer

I don't think that's very fair. It seems like he wants to do that just to avoid being around while you are pregnant and hormonal. Let him know that you don't feel comfortable being alone while pregnant.

Answer

Coming from a spouse with a military man. He is scared. He probably doesn't want to be around you while you are pregnant because he doesn't know how you will act and cry and how moody you might get. Dude sounds lame. Sorry mama. My hubby is giving me problems right now too. 😟

Answer

Idk I could be assuming things but to me it sounds like he wants to make sure you don't do anything (cheat) while he's gone. But that's just me.

Answer

I'm in the military and I'm guessing he wants you to have a baby if he is going to get deployed so that he can get all of the extra pay that comes with having a dependent.

Is this fair?

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