How did you leave?

Question

My husband is an abusive alcoholic. Of course he has his good weeks, but every 4-6 weeks he goes on a binge and is just down right dangerous. He has choked me, thrown me, ect. Obviously he always had a drinking problem but it has gotten 100x worse since getting pregnant (with a baby he wanted, he wasn't abusive before). He has threatened to take our home because he makes more money and easily bullies me because he outweighs me by at least 150 pounds. 
I am 6 months pregnant and am planning my escape. I haven't called the police because..well I have no real reason. I'm stuck in the cycle of abuse and when I say it out loud it scares the hell out of me. If my parents knew what was going on they would have me come home immediately, but my sister and her kids are already over crowding their house and I'm 6 months pregnant. 
I need advise on how you left and how you afforded it? Where I live a 1 bedroom to rent is  $1200. Plus I have my car, food, gas, regular expenses, along with upcoming baby care.
After taxes I only bring in about $2200 monthly. 
I know I need to leave, but I need to do it smart. Right now, i am safe. If I thought I was in immediate danger I would leave.

Answer

I set up a few things before I left. I went to a new bank and opened a bank account in my name. I deposited money any chance I got and did a few cash jobs like cleaning to put in my account. I bought a cell phone that I hid, but so I had access when I left. My ex husband controlled all financial aspects as well as what I was allowed to do. He monitored my cell phone and checked who I called etc. I started cleaning up my clutter telling him it was time to make our place clean. In reality I was putting my belongings in  order for easy grab without causing suspicion. I met with an advocate at a domestic violence shelter many times to make sure I had a safety plan. Then the day came where he was going to be gone a few hours. I told him I was just visiting family and would be back the next day. They live 2 hours away. After he left I went as fast as I could, I took my important belongings including our 2 year old daughter, but left everything else. It was the scariest moment of my life. I felt sick the whole time, however I knew that the physical abuse of our daughter was the last straw, and I could never let it happen again. Stay strong and build support from family, friends, or a shelter. Good luck!

Answer

When i left my situation it was completely spontaneous, there a huge fight that night and ya he was drunk, i knew that it was no longer safe for my 3 kids and i any longer.

My ex threw a full bottle of beer at me and then he said he was going to kill himself, he then took the car and went to the bar.... my kids were in fear that night and i had them stay in a room with me, in the morning i dropped the kids off to school and did my planning, called an abuse hotline and thats when i broke down...they gave numbers for shelters, but  they were full my only choice was to fly my kids and i back to where i had my familys support..i packed up my kids back packs with bacis items and i took all the important documents. 
In the mean time i told my ex that is was best if he stayed away for a few days, so were able to make our getaway safely,had my friend take my 2 dogs until I was able to fly them to me.
I have to say it was the toughest thing i had to do in my life but its the best feeling to know that he will never have control over me or my kids ever again...

I wish you all the courage in the world for you and baby...if you want to chat pm me..

Answer

There are resources to help ladies like you.  Please get out. It's not easy,  but it's worth it.

Answer

I haven't left an abusive situation, but I do live on a strict budget. There are great community support programs that will offer child care vouchers which will cover your cost for that and there are also plenty of programs that will help with utility deposits and such. I had to make some sacrifices, like basic cable and Internet but you can definitely do. You will probably also qualify for assistance (SNAP/EBT, WIC) which I have and would absolutely take advantage of. You will make the right choice for your baby and yourself :)

Answer

Please reach out to a local domestic violence shelter or similar organization. You may not be in immediate danger right now, but a situation can change *so quickly* - everyone thinks they're safe...until they aren't. In a situation like this, there's NO SUCH THING as too prepared.

In some cities there's special temporary housing options for people transitioning from a domestic violence situation. Check with the local authorities in your area. All over the country, there are both private and publicly-funded groups that exist to help strong women like you leave situations that are bad for you and your kids.

Answer

I don't if you have th where you're at but I would look into a studio apartment or maybe a trusted friend or coworker to room with so that way bulls are split. Just a thought, good luck Hun praying for you!! Keep us up to date so we know you and the baby are safe!! 💖

Answer

I'm really sorry to hear ur going thru such a tough time. I totally understand how u don't want to tell ur family Coz u feel they already have a lot on ur plate, and while I'm sure there's shelters and other places u could go, I honestly strongly believe u shud turn to ur family, that's what family is for and they will support u thru this terrible time. Once u move out they'll find out somethings going on anyway, wherever u go, so I would tell them and go be with them. Ur about to bring a baby into this world in a few months and I think being surrounded by family is what u will need at a time like this. I'm sure if they knew, they would want to help and be with u. Whatever u decide I hope you are safe and a much better future in store for you! Do keep us updated.

Answer

Wow! I'm sorry to hear you going thru this. I haven't ever been thru this but I can't imagine how you must feel. My suggestion would be to find out if there are any places you can go until you can save enough to move on your own. This situation cannot be healthy for you or your unborn child, or the other children. It's probably best that he's never home and sleeping when he is. I will pray for you because this is something no woman should have to deal with.

How did you leave?

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