Why don't the dads get it??

Question

My LO is 5 months old and I became a mom instantly. My husband, I feel like, sees our son as a job- my job. When does the Dad gene kick in?? Getting him to do anything for our son is like pulling teeth! And when he does do something, he wants credit for it!! I haven't slept through the night in 5 months! I haven't had a day off in 5 months. But he plays golf every chance that he gets bc he just needs a day off. How do you get your husbands to pitch in and understand that our LO isn't just my responsibility?!😡

Answer

My husband is like that. Because of that we have been fighting a lot. I schedule hair, nail, massages etc and leave him with the baby.  It gets me the break I need and I take extra long when I go out. Heck once I got a mani pedi and went to two stores and got ice cream afterwards. I was gone for 6 hours, he complained and I congratulated him for watching him for 6 out of 24 hours. I them complained the house was a mess, why there was no dinner, all the baby's bottle were dirty, and snidely asked him "just what did you do all day?.  
I give my husband a chore list as well, things that are hard for me to do. Once in a while I ask him to help me fold and put away clothes. My husband doesn't get hints, he works better with lists and sometimes it takes him forever to do something.

Answer

Honestly, and I'm not trying to say bad things about your husband, but it comes down to selfishness.. Some men are naturally more nurturing and selfless then others.. Some just can't deal with responsibility and grow up. Sorry you're dealing with this.. Currently this is the reason me and my baby's dad aren't together.

Answer

I am sorry that this is happening to you. My husband kicked in the first night we were home, he helps make bottles, changes diapers and even let's me nap when I am completely exhausted. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes:(

Answer

mine plays video games to "unwind" after work. damn it must be nice to unwind I don't think I've done that in almost a year!

Answer

Some Dad's just never get it. So what I did was once I felt comfortable I said you're watching the baby so I can go to the grocery. I may have taken longer than necessary but when I got home a certain someone claimed he was exhausted. I said it's been 2 hours try doing it 24/7. Things seemed to improve after that. 😉

Answer

I'm on kid 4... mine is a great help in the first 2-3 months after that it's all me... it still pisses me off and I'm about to be gone... sometimes I feel like if I'm doing everything by myself I should be by myself... but what I do to is I'll be like can you hold him for a minute and I disappear to the bathroom to take a shower or laundry room to wash clothes... or to cook and when he starts calling my name I respond with what when he says the baby I day do you want to eat do you want clean clothes and when he responds yes I say then take care of your youngen while I make sure you can eat and have clean clothes... also I stop trying to be Supermommy... I sleep when baby sleeps if I get time to do chores I do them if not or well and if they say something about it I tell them to do it themselves I'm not no one's slave I have enough with the baby bye Felicia!!! Some times just putting your foot down and not doing the stuff you would usually do will make them realize ok maybe I need to help and not expect a parade every time I do something it took 2 people to make baby it takes 2 to keep baby growing!!!

Answer

Sadly, this is a common problem. I had to deal with it, too. My advice is to be direct. Have a conversation with him about how you've been feeling and how serious you think the issue is. From then on, tell him exactly what you need/want him to do and tell him right away-- before any hard feelings start to develop. Don't leave anything at all to assumptions. After a while, he will hopefully get into the habit of being more helpful without having to be told. You may even want to suggest counseling. When I did, it was like an "oh shit, she's serious" moment. 
Good luck!

Answer

Guys just don't get it, they are not made with the mother instinct. Don't get me wrong, my husband is great with our son who is now 1 1/2, but it definitely took time. And girl I have not had a full night of sleep since my son was born, I feel your pain, he's NEVER slept through the night. 🙄 spoiled rotten.

Answer

If you ever figure it out let me know at 2 months my husband has gotten up for 1 night feeding and our LO only sleeps maybe 3hr at a time and is a noisey sleeper.  I work PT and have many a sleepy day BUT i still get up with LO,  if we go somewhere i pack LOs diaper bag and get our older son ready, his room i clean, his cloths LOs And husbands i clean, dishes, housework ALL OF IT.  His idea of a day off for me is going with him and the kids swimming....of course someone has to watch LO pack, pick location just plan it all.
Yet my husband wants to drive around after work and play pokemon go (i use to like the game now i resent it), one night a week he goes to play D&D and another night he goes to workout.  I'm so fucking tired of it AND his lack of attention is starting to show.  He knows little about his son and our LO will become fussy with him.

Answer

I remember the look my mom would have in her eyes when she told people, "Dads don't "babysit"."

I understand the rage and fury now.

Why don't the dads get it??

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