Initiating sex

I am so tired of initiating sex. My fiancé and I are 12 years apart.(him being older) We rarely have sex and when we do its because I initiate sex. Not only that when I finally get him there he sometimes looses his hard on. Im so tired of always having to start and re- uping his hard on. It makes me feel so unattractive. I try everything and anything to make him happy in bed. He usually blames it on his diabetes sometimes performance anxiety. I feel so unattractive. (I know its so sad that i associate love and attractiveness on sex) but i do. I miss having an active sex life. 😥😟