It's long but I need someone to talk to

Okay so in March I had a miscarriage after 5 years of trying. My heart shattered and my husband and I fell apart. I wanted to try again and at first so did he. Then when it came time to, he changed his mind. My heart broken and I have spent the past couple of months being distant. Feeling like a part of me is missing if we don't try again and we never have a baby. Finally I tried to come to terms with it and get on birth control. My appointment was yesterday. 2 hours before I was going to leave he says, I don't want you to make it not possible, but I don't know if I can try. Needless to say I cancelled my appointment. Now I'm so confused, I'm excited that there's a chance and now that I finally came to terms with everything I'm right back to wanting to start ovulation testing, but etc. My emotions are all over the place and I just don't know what to think. This app is my only source of venting.